Random Mom Thoughts - While Out On A Walk

I'm beginning another series: Random Mom Thoughts. Like my other series, I'll randomly add posts here and there over time. 

To clarify, I'm not saying that every mom/parent has these thoughts. In fact, as you'll see over time, I hope most moms don't. I'm a bit weird. So anyway, these are my thoughts, as a mom and a generally strange person.

- Is that a dirt clod or dried-up cat turd that my son picked up and is playing with?

- I hope there aren't any hypodermic needles in that pile of leaves I just told them to play in.

- I cannot believe this kid just told me that his legs are tired, after two damn blocks, when he's capable of running like a maniac around the house for an hour or longer?

- Wow. It's a lot harder to keep small kids from running into oncoming traffic than one might think.

- Keep flying, bird, keeeep flying. This is a shit-free zone, mother fucker.

- Why are cigarette butts so attractive to kids? WHY?

- Will it be vodka or rum tonight?

- Is that the second time that dude has slooowly driven past us? KEEP DRIVING, PEDOPHILE! 

- Why do I think that everyone is a pedophile?

- Is that kid by the bus stop picking his nose? Ugh. He's probably sick, and I'm sure he's going to wipe his booger on the bench and my kids are going to run by and probably decide to lick the bench, right where he wiped his booger.

- I hope they don't get toxoplasmosis if that was a cat turd.

- Haven't I answered that exact same question 178 times already today, son? THE ANSWER WILL NOT CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! GAAAHHH!

- That kid just ate his booger. Mine do that. CAN KIDS BE ANY GROSSER? At least now my kids won't be licking it off the bench.

- Why can't people keep their foliage and other shit OFF the sidewalk path? Trim your bush, people! Ha. Gross.

- I think it'll be rum tonight.

- That cat just ate its own vomit. I'm not sure which is grosser: Kids or cats? Hmm. Toss up.

- Will I know if they get toxoplasmosis? What is toxoplasmosis, beside something pregnant chicks have to worry about being in cat shit? Google that later. Ha. Who I am kidding; I won't remember.

- If this kid was walking any slower, he'd be at a complete stand still. Hurry the fuck UP, kid!

- Wine sounds good, actually.

- Brandon's diaper needs to be changed. Heehee, how can he walk with that thing sagging down to his knees like that? When was his diaper last changed? OOOOHHH... Jesus, get it together, mom!

- What a fun walk.

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