Friday, October 12, 2012

Random Mom Thoughts - While Out On A Walk

I'm beginning another series: Random Mom Thoughts. Like my other series, I'll randomly add posts here and there over time. 

To clarify, I'm not saying that every mom/parent has these thoughts. In fact, as you'll see over time, I hope most moms don't. I'm a bit weird. So anyway, these are my thoughts, as a mom and a generally strange person.

- Is that a dirt clod or dried-up cat turd that my son picked up and is playing with?

- I hope there aren't any hypodermic needles in that pile of leaves I just told them to play in.

- I cannot believe this kid just told me that his legs are tired, after two damn blocks, when he's capable of running like a maniac around the house for an hour or longer?

- Wow. It's a lot harder to keep small kids from running into oncoming traffic than one might think.

- Keep flying, bird, keeeep flying. This is a shit-free zone, mother fucker.

- Why are cigarette butts so attractive to kids? WHY?

Will it be vodka or rum tonight?

- Is that the second time that dude has slooowly driven past us? KEEP DRIVING, PEDOPHILE! 

- Why do I think that everyone is a pedophile?

- Is that kid by the bus stop picking his nose? Ugh. He's probably sick, and I'm sure he's going to wipe his booger on the bench and my kids are going to run by and probably decide to lick the bench, right where he wiped his booger.

- I hope they don't get toxoplasmosis if that was a cat turd.

- Haven't I answered that exact same question 178 times already today, son? THE ANSWER WILL NOT CHANGE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK! GAAAHHH!

- That kid just ate his booger. Mine do that. CAN KIDS BE ANY GROSSER? At least now my kids won't be licking it off the bench.

Why can't people keep their foliage and other shit OFF the sidewalk path? Trim your bush, people! Ha. Gross.

- I think it'll be rum tonight.

- That cat just ate its own vomit. I'm not sure which is grosser: Kids or cats? Hmm. Toss up.

- Will I know if they get toxoplasmosis? What is toxoplasmosis, beside something pregnant chicks have to worry about being in cat shit? Google that later. Ha. Who I am kidding; I won't remember.

- If this kid was walking any slower, he'd be at a complete stand still. Hurry the fuck UP, kid!

- Wine sounds good, actually.

- Brandon's diaper needs to be changed. Heehee, how can he walk with that thing sagging down to his knees like that? When was his diaper last changed? OOOOHHH... Jesus, get it together, mom!

- What a fun walk.

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  1. The one that hit close to home...Why do I think everyone is a pedophile? Seriously thought I was nuts for that one.

    1. You mean, I'M not the ONLY one?!? Okay! It must be our "mama bear" instincts or something.

    2. I'm bothered by parents who DON'T suspect everyone is a pedophile. "Hey, mom of a naked 4yo at the beach, what are you thinking??"

  2. I saw a post from a sweet mom blogger today talkin about potty training that posted a pic of her little girl in just a shirt and undies and all I could think if was all the pedophiles out there and does this chick not know they exist?

    1. Probably not! The most unnerving thing I've seen was on eBay, of all places, a mom was selling some sort of kidwear like a hooded towel or something, and she had her kid "model" it and the kid was naked. With a fucking hooded towel on his head. I actually debated emailing her and pointing it out but figured that she was probably a weirdo in the first place and I wouldn't be doing any good.

  3. Pedophiles, or my fear of them is the biggest reason we don't have many sitters. once my son can tell me what happened when I was away we'll see.

  4. Replies
    1. Good to know... maybe I'm not so weird! Or, we are weird together! =D

  5. I have the pedophile thought because I posted a photo on Flickr of my then 2yo daughter naked (backside) in the bathtub, covered with paint. By the time I realized what was happening, it had been downloaded 8,000 times. It makes me ill to think of it. Ever since then, all kid pics online have been fully clothed. Also, see what happens on Flickr when you tag a photo with "feet".

    1. Sara, that is NAUSEATING to think that that many people might be using that photo for anything not innocent. I'm so sorry you had to learn that way!
      I don't have a Flickr account so I can't follow your suggestion, but that sounds... "interesting?"

  6. My kids are ALWAYS wanting to pick up cigarette butts! What is the appeal? I'm glad to know it's not just mine!

    And kids are sooo slow! They don't just stop and smell the flowers. They stop and smell them, poke them, pick them, probably lick them whenever I'm not looking.


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