Monday, September 24, 2012

How To Get The Most Out Of *This* Appointment

Have you ever heard one of those stories about a pregnant woman who goes in for the gender reveal ultrasound, only to discover that her baby has its legs crossed, is passed the hell out, and will not wake up and move around for the WORLD? And not even a couple of jabs to the kidney will rouse that kid into opening its legs? (The only time you will actually WANT your kid to open its legs . . .)

I have, from people I actually know, nonetheless. So it's not just one of those "happened to my brother's friend's cousin's sister-in-law's sister" kind of thing, it has happened to people known to me and therefore, it was just like it happened to ME.

Okay, not really, but I did feel the gut-punch for them because had it been me, I would have lost my shit and probably told my OB/GYN to reach his hands all up in there and FORCE that kid's legs open. Not that he would have, but clearly, I wanted to know whether or not I was having a son or a daughter, each and every pregnancy. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. And it would have killed me not to be able to find out when I thought I was going to.

So when pregnant with my first, I heard this tip from some earthly angel - sadly, I don't even remember who - and it was gold. No, GOLD. (See what I did there? I dorked out.)

Just before your ultrasound appointment, drink some orange juice and slam a candy bar to infuse mad amounts of sugar into your bloodstream and kickstart that little beast into basically doing JUMPING JACKS in your womb.

Or just inject a cup of sugar into your veins. Whatever.

I did that (drank o.j. and ate candy, not the injection) in the waiting room before each and every gender-reveal ultrasound and my boys were so excited to show us their balls that they basically wrapped their ankles around their ears and SAT on the camera. Well, except for Brandon. Due to the test results we got early in pregnancy, his chromosomes were tested, so we knew for a fact that he's a boy at 14 weeks along.

Although, in my particular cases, I was SO HYPED UP before each appointment that my nerves and adrenaline alone were probably enough to jolt the boys into doing gymnastics. In the waiting room, I was literally climbing the walls and kept punching Nate while rapidly asking him 95 times in a row "What'sitgonnabewhat'sitgonnabe?" and "Whatifit'sagirl?Whatifit'saboy?" like a total crack addict

I'm pretty sure the medical assistant took us back early to save his life. Or probably more accurately, my life. 

Good luck, and to healthy babies all around. *Lifting a sippy cup in salute. A sippy cup filled with vodka.*


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In an entirely unrelated note, what do you think of the new changes to the look of the blog? I apologize for the schizophrenic changes, but I'm trying to find my final (hopefully) look. I really would appreciate feedback, as I see other blogs with weird font that I can hardly read or weird background vs. font color that makes it excruciatingly painful to read. And therefore, I usually don't bother reading them lest the visual trauma causes me to want to STAB SOMEBODY.

But I never know if it's okay to say to them, "Hey your blog design makes my EYES BLEED" so I want you to know that I really do appreciate (and am asking for) constructive feedback. The half-dead looking palm trees and sunset in my background are supposed to have a calming effect as an antidote against the insanity that children life can cause. Plus, they represent my California beach life . . . spent cooped up in our house because I'm half-terrified to take the boys anywhere unless I have reinforcements, a.k.a. either their dad or "my wife" (great friend) with me. So they're symbolic but I am open to suggestions. 

And yes, I am still working on a header photo. I just don't know what to do for it. Open to suggestions there, too.



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22 comments:

  1. Good tip, I've heard from friends that it works, too! My daughter was practically breakdancing for every ultrasound, no issues with her gender reveal (except that she didn't want to stop moving). We'll be having a gender reveal in November, before which I will probably drink OJ and eat pounds of leftover Halloween candy for...because I REALLY NEED to know if I can keep all this baby girl stuff or if I can start giving it away.

    Also, I like that calming palm trees and sunset (sunrise?). All the current colors and fonts are soothing on my brain, and easy to read. I also have a serious problem with blogs that have crazy colors and funky fonts and just way too much going on in general. On an only semi-related note, cooking blogs with 800 photos of one recipe are just about the most annoying type of blog around.

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    1. Thank you Julie, for your input! I find them soothing, too, but may change it yet again. The trees, not necessarily the colors.

      I totally understand wanting to get rid of stuff as soon as you can! And yay for November! Let me know how it goes!

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  2. I have to honest with you, I'm not loving the palm trees and sunset pic. I'm not even sure why exactly, something about it just feels off to me. I'm sorry, I know that's probably not super helpful! At any rate, it's not going to stop me from reading your blog- I love it so much!
    The tip about ingesting sugar before THE ultrasound is a good one! Though, as a nurse who was worked in prenatal and post-partum care, be warned: finding out the sex of your baby from an ultrasound is NOT 100%. I have had many patients who were told they were having a girl, and ended up with a boy, and vice versa. Chromosome analysis is the only way to know for sure before the baby is born.
    Good luck with putting the finishing touches on the blog makeover!

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    1. I really appreciate your input and honesty, Bean Mama! And thank you for reading it in spite of whatever background I have!

      I've heard lots of stories (mostly from nurses at the maternity hospital I had my boys in) about people being told the incorrect gender; what a nightmare! Obviously there are worse nightmares but that would have been a tough surprise!

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  3. I read it in google reader most of the time, and just click through to comment whenever necessary!

    Not digging the palm trees. Doesn't seem to gel well with your "descent into madness" title... looks way too relaxed...lol.

    PS: We found out H was a boy at 13 weeks, because the kid is a) a possible future porn star, b) he was waving that shit round for all to see, c) the tech started laughing as he shimmied and shook like he was saying "look at THIS"!

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    1. Thank you Kylee for your input and for being honest! I know the palm trees don't really mesh with my blog in general and that's why I'm asking for input. I'm having trouble finding a background I really like; Blogger's options are kind of limited.

      I am cracking up at your story about H! That is awesome!

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  4. I did this for both kids and Josephine DID NOT want to spread 'em. We had early ultrasounds and she would not pry those legs open for anything. Luckily I had a ton of USs so it wasn't a problem. Or I would have gotten stabbity for reals.

    On the blog front, it makes me think of suntan lotion. Which is good, I guess. Because that makes me think of being drunk on the beach. Just maybe not for a mommy blog? Though?

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    1. I can't believe it didn't work for you! BOOO!

      Yeah, I know the trees don't really "fit" the mommy blog theme. Ugh. I'll keep exploring my options! I really wanted to win your blog redesign contest, Ass!

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  5. You could put up cartoons of bunnies being hung by their fuzzy little tails and I'd still read it. Granted, it may be a bit creepy but I'd still read it. Point is, I don't care what your background is, as long as your blog appears somewhere on the page. I do like the FB profile of just your crazed eyes.

    About the sex of the baby trick, we didn't find out with 15, and because they thought my alpha fetal protein tests came back high and I had to have an amniocentesis done with 12, we found out that way that she was a she.

    Hugs,
    Teri

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    1. Thank you, Teri! Appreciate your feedback.

      I don't know how you were able to stand not finding out with 15! And sorry you had to have the stress of funky test results and an amnio. NO FUN.

      Hugs back to you, you candy-corn-hater! ;-)

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  6. So puffs are baby crack, and your blog is mommy crack (at least at my house).

    so I don't really care about blog layout. I can never wait to be home to read, and read your blog on my phone (where I can't see layout). but because you asked I hit web version to check out.

    I don't feel like your layout matches your wit, writing style, awesomeness. but it certainly doesn't turn me off. I do love that I can share on G+ (or basically where ever I want) which phone version hadn't shown me. now I will share you :)

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    1. Aww, thank you, Vanessa! I'm glad you enjoy the blog so much, and especially appreciate any sharing that you may do!

      And thank you for the feedback; I appreciate it! I think I'll keep looking for something else for the background.

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  7. Hey it's Dacia -Vala Letkeman ( I dont have any of those profiles) and I have to agree (sorry to be negative) with Vanessa. Your blog layout does not match your sense of humour or what I think of your personality (which is great by the way. I wish you lived near me so we can go for that drink). I had no problem reading your blog before. If you do need a backround layout thingy I would go with something that suits your personality. You don't need wild colours but maybe some funny picture - spilled cereal in the car, or a bowl on a kids head, something relating to you or you with your kids. You blogs are so funny and they always involve your kids in someway (which is awesome by the way reminds me of my 3 boys). That is just my 2 cents. I appreciate you taking the time to read my comment. Take care!

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    1. Hi Dacia-Vala! I appreciate your comment and input very much. I get what you are saying; there definitely is a disconnect between the beach scene and the content of my blog. I am looking into how to add my own design/photo (I'm not tech-savy at ALL) and then I think we'll have a match!

      Thank you for all of your kind compliments, as well! If we lived close we would definitely go for a drink.

      Also, if you really wanted to do it, you could always use the name/URL reply as option in the drop-down menu, and then just leave the URL blank. Your name will still show up. Or you can just do what you did! You take care, too. Thanks again for taking the time to leave your feedback!

      Delete
  8. Jesus Christ, now I'm paranoid that my blog makes your eyes bleed! LOL Seriously, if it does, let me know! Yours looks great now, but I'm more into content. And I LOVE your content, so what's up? Just keep making me laugh, that is all. Love ya!

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    1. Nope, not yours! You use an easy-to-read font and your background isn't transparent and bleeding into your interface, making it nauseating to try to decipher the words from the background. Thanks for your input and nice compliments! Love ya too!

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  9. I'm a graphic designer, so I'll take it easy here. The palm trees don't match your blog's, or your, hilarity. And generally speaking, the background would be much better for bleeding eyes if it were more subtle - like a light pattern. As far as your blog header, I freaking adore your icon photo - I think it would be awesome to see that photo next to the whole descent into madness copy. That's just my two cents, and only because you asked. However, I would visit your blog no matter what, even if it did make my eyes bleed.

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    1. Thank you, Amy! I appreciate your honesty. I am going to change the palm tree background out to a solid color and I have an idea for the header photo, but I may end up incorporating my icon photo. I really appreciate your feedback and suggestions!

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  10. I have to agree with other posts! Generally I read on my phone, as its my on the go computer and its much easier to run from my daughter who just loves to push buttons when its a phone. (pretty bad that I have to hide my internet use from my child, isn't that backwards?)
    I liked the pink background with simple stripes actually.... I know, I know I'm boring. Funny thing is I don't even actually like pink. I'm drowning in it as its hubs favorite color and we have a young daughter, but I'm more of a royal purple-black kinda chick myself. Deep, Dark, Red is my absolute fav. Also I have to agree that your profile photo for FB is very appropriate to your subject matter.
    Really I'm far too pregnant to be this damn agreeable...must be something I ate.

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  11. seeing in 19 days I go to find the sex of mine I might try the candy bar. Not so much on the juice as the the citrus make me yak. ( stiff having bad nausea

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