How To Get The Most Out Of *This* Appointment

Have you ever heard one of those stories about a pregnant woman who goes in for the gender reveal ultrasound, only to discover that her baby has its legs crossed, is passed the hell out, and will not wake up and move around for the WORLD? And not even a couple of jabs to the kidney will rouse that kid into opening its legs? (The only time you will actually WANT your kid to open its legs . . .)

I have, from people I actually know, nonetheless. So it's not just one of those "happened to my brother's friend's cousin's sister-in-law's sister" kind of thing, it has happened to people known to me and therefore, it was just like it happened to ME.

Okay, not really, but I did feel the gut-punch for them because had it been me, I would have lost my shit and probably told my OB/GYN to reach his hands all up in there and FORCE that kid's legs open. Not that he would have, but clearly, I wanted to know whether or not I was having a son or a daughter, each and every pregnancy. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. And it would have killed me not to be able to find out when I thought I was going to.

So when pregnant with my first, I heard this tip from some earthly angel - sadly, I don't even remember who - and it was gold. No, GOLD. (See what I did there? I dorked out.)

Just before your ultrasound appointment, drink some orange juice and slam a candy bar to infuse mad amounts of sugar into your bloodstream and kickstart that little beast into basically doing JUMPING JACKS in your womb.

Or just inject a cup of sugar into your veins. Whatever.

I did that (drank o.j. and ate candy, not the injection) in the waiting room before each and every gender-reveal ultrasound and my boys were so excited to show us their balls that they basically wrapped their ankles around their ears and SAT on the camera. Well, except for Brandon. Due to the test results we got early in pregnancy, his chromosomes were tested, so we knew for a fact that he's a boy at 14 weeks along.

Although, in my particular cases, I was SO HYPED UP before each appointment that my nerves and adrenaline alone were probably enough to jolt the boys into doing gymnastics. In the waiting room, I was literally climbing the walls and kept punching Nate while rapidly asking him 95 times in a row "What'sitgonnabewhat'sitgonnabe?" and "Whatifit'sagirl?Whatifit'saboy?" like a total crack addict. 

I'm pretty sure the medical assistant took us back early to save his life. Or probably more accurately, my life. 

Good luck, and to healthy babies all around. *Lifting a sippy cup in salute. A sippy cup filled with vodka.*

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In an entirely unrelated note, what do you think of the new changes to the look of the blog? I apologize for the schizophrenic changes, but I'm trying to find my final (hopefully) look. I really would appreciate feedback, as I see other blogs with weird font that I can hardly read or weird background vs. font color that makes it excruciatingly painful to read. And therefore, I usually don't bother reading them lest the visual trauma causes me to want to STAB SOMEBODY.

But I never know if it's okay to say to them, "Hey your blog design makes my EYES BLEED" so I want you to know that I really do appreciate (and am asking for) constructive feedback. The half-dead looking palm trees and sunset in my background are supposed to have a calming effect as an antidote against the insanity that children life can cause. Plus, they represent my California beach life . . . spent cooped up in our house because I'm half-terrified to take the boys anywhere unless I have reinforcements, a.k.a. either their dad or "my wife" (great friend) with me. So they're symbolic but I am open to suggestions. 

And yes, I am still working on a header photo. I just don't know what to do for it. Open to suggestions there, too.

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