One Crazy Story: Part 1

I have a story to tell. I know, shocking. But this is a different kind of story than my usual nonsense. It's not really funny (I am assuming that my other stuff is) but it's a giant part of who I am today and why my family is what it is today. I admit that I am a bit nervous to post it because it's really personal, and it opens me up to be severely judged and criticized. But my readers so far have been awesome and I love you for that.


It's a long story that I am mercifully going to break up into several parts. I'll do my best to keep it interesting but I make no promises. I am very specific with the story but I am keeping certain details vague so as to not give away the ending. 

I know. What a drama queen. This is my first attempt at "suspense" and I'm already positive it's going to fall completely flat. Just in case I am successful at keeping you on your toes, try not to die from that suspense. If I'm not successful, then please, bear with me (or, "bar" with me, according to Ethan's spelling). Humor me. Be patient. Those of you who know me in real life already know the outcome of the story.

One year, the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve is one I remember with startling clarity. Which is unusual not only because I can’t remember shit anymore but because nothing actually significant happened that week. But it was the week before my world turned upside down. 

That week, we had Christmas at Nate’s dad’s and step-mom’s house, and we all drank a lot and played Texas Hold ‘Em poker and I was affectionately and drunkenly calling my sweet-as-can-be father-in-law a jackasshole for raising the bet before the flop. My period started, kind of. I had a ParaGard IUD in, and I hated it. I just didn't feel right with it and it gave me gnarly cycles. Connor was a baby and got pretty sick, but ultimately was fine. We had a New Year’s Eve party at our house. And my period was not normal - I was just spotting. So odd was this for me that I was willing to believe that perhaps I was entering early menopause, very early menopause. I did some online research, but didn't really receive any clear answers as to what could be up.

I know. Surprising. At least my searches didn't lead me to believe that I was going to die a horrible death from some rare disease.

Finally, I admitted to myself that there technically was one other reason my period wasn’t normal. On the Saturday after New Year's Eve, I took a pregnancy test, not really thinking that it was going to be positive. I mean, I did have a ParaGard IUD in. It is 99.4% effective. Give me a break. I was so not pregnant.

Well. That's what I get for believing in shit. That test, against all odds, came back positive. I am not joking when I say that my throat actually started to close up a bit. I remember standing there, clearing my throat over and over, pacing between my bathroom and bedroom. I was shaking and my heart was pounding. I finally got the courage to go tell Nate, who was sitting in the living room with Ethan on his lap. His response was something along the lines of “Are you fucking kidding me? We cannot have another baby. We cannot.”

"I know, Nate, I know. I'll call the doctor on Monday and we will figure this out."

We spent the next two days in relative shock, and first thing Monday morning, I called my ob/gyn's office and explained the situation. Due to the IUD, they wanted to see me right away and got me in that afternoon instead of waiting until the 8th or 9th week of pregnancy like they usually do to see a patient. 

Since the doctor's visit story is long, I am going to post it in a couple of days. Is the suspense killing you yet?? I know, I'm really lame. I'm sorry. 

Click on the links below for the rest:
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

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