Uuuuugh. SO GLAD to finally have gotten the emotional train wreck that is the story of Brandon on here. When I started this blog, I knew I was going to tell it but wasn't sure when. I knew I had to tell it because I make no secret of how stressful having the boys is and maybe people might be thinking, "Well then why did you keep having kids, dipshit?"
I totally get that sentiment.
I totally get that sentiment.
Now you all know that the third one wasn't exactly a conscious decision. Neither was the first, actually. So, now we have three kids and I have to tell you, three is what has tipped the scales for me as far as craziness, sanity, and chaos goes. I truly underestimated how big of a difference that a third child makes in a family.
I frequently see articles and blog posts from moms wondering if they should have a third child. I rarely see the ones wondering if they should go from one to two children or from three to four or more. It seems that instinctively, moms know that the third child makes for some seriously significant differences, more so than anything else. Three tips the scales.
I frequently see articles and blog posts from moms wondering if they should have a third child. I rarely see the ones wondering if they should go from one to two children or from three to four or more. It seems that instinctively, moms know that the third child makes for some seriously significant differences, more so than anything else. Three tips the scales.
They're right.
Moms, dads, if you're considering a third child, I beg of you to read this post thoroughly and really think about what it contains. It's going to be long, I can tell already, because three kids bring that much to consider. It's really not a decision to arrive at lightly. Many of the considerations have to do with money. Maybe you're very wealthy or at least very comfortable, so those points won't apply to you. But the emotional components probably will.
THE HUNGER GAME
Don't underestimate the food costs that a third child brings to the grocery bill. The extra few cups of milk a day, the extra breakfast, snack, lunch (half of which is ignored) afternoon snack, cup of juice, dinner (half of which is thrown on the floor) and treat or whatever bribe you threw out in sheer desperation to make him/her behave in public since you now have more kids than arms (I'll get to that next) and are willing to resort to near-prostitution to just. get. through. the. muthafuckin. day, really adds up. I'm not kidding. In the span of a few months, we went from like, a $650 a month grocery bill to about a $1000 a month. And I'm a cheap-ass bargain shopper, too. And yes, about $150 of it is booze to deal with the kids. And cheap booze, at that.
Yeah, kids kinda do that to you.
PRACTICAL ASPECTS
1. Can I get another set of arms and eyes in the back of my head? Out in public, if your kids are all close together in age and on the younger end, it's stressful to keep an eye on all three of them. That third kid really tips the scales as far as keeping track of them go. I mean, walking in a parking lot or taking them to a busy park sheds about a half a day off of my life each time.
2. Do you really want to go through teething and potty training again? Diapers and "ass wipings" according to Nate? Three butts is a whole lotta poop; a whole lotta ass wipings. Sleepless nights? Gigantic, swollen, rock-hard, leaking breasts? (Did you think 'breasts' was going to be something else? Pervert.)
3. How are you going to handle it if all three kids are crying at once? If you do it like us and have them back-to-back-to-back, with a just-turned 4-year-old, a two-year-old, and a baby, shit like that is going to happen. I promise. And someone is going to get the shaft. It was usually the one with the less pressing problem, although many people offered up this nugget o' wisdom: When faced with multiple crying children, comfort the one who is old enough to remember that you did or did not comfort them... I still say to deal with the ones with the more pressing issues first. Screw their memories. Just add the perceived slight to the long list of things they'll take to therapy with them.
4. Another kid to get haircuts for, 20 more nails to trim (close your mouth when doing so, unless you're hungry for some clippings), another kid to bathe, to dress, brush teeth.... Takes time, people. And mental anguish.
5. Don't underestimate the noise that the third child brings. Do you have the sanity to deal with living in what is basically day-care-level noise all the time?
6. Don't even think you're going to easily run errands with three small kids. GONE are the days of making a quick stop at the post office, running in to grab the forgotten milk, pretty much anything. On the plus side, having multiple children does make you more efficient and organized. Otherwise, you die.
THE SPACE CASE
Cars
Do you have room in your car? Seriously, depending on the age of your kids and car seat necessity, can you somewhat comfortably fit the extra kid in your car? Not to mention the strollers and other gear, a friend of theirs/carpool stuff. If not, can you really afford to trade up? We bought a 7-seater SUV after the 3rd was born, only to discover that the second row didn't really fit three car seats very well. And we weren't really planning on utilizing the third row unless absolutely required (we need it folded down for the cargo space), so that isn't an option for seating the 5-year-old. Five people take up a lot of room in a car.
House
Does your house really have enough bedrooms/space for a third? If not, are you truly in a position to move/trade up? Think of all the crap that you accumulate with a child.... the clothes, the gear, the toys... we are currently storing (since we have all boys) the full wardrobes of not only the size that the three boys are IN, but the in-between sizes for hand-me-downs. It's a hell of a lot of clothes.
We got lucky in having all boys and close together in age because we've just thrown them all in the same room. It's like a dorm in there. Smells like one, too.
Do you have a dining room table that will fit the fifthwheel person? The space to extend your 4-seater table to the six-seater with the extra leaf in the middle?
Do you have space in your refrigerator for all the food a family of five consumes? Unless you want to go to the store every other day (which I swear to God, you will not have the time or especially the inclination to do), you will learn to buy big and minimize the frequency that you have to grocery shop. And you'll need somewhere to put the food. We lucked into an extra refrigerator that we shoved in the garage and it has been a lifesaver. Since I now buy 4 gallons of milk at a time, the giant 5-dozen brick of eggs from Costco, six 6-packs of yogurt, the "institution-size" double bags of bread (It always cracks me up to see that stamped on the bag of bread because I really do feel like I am living in an institution. Of the insane variety.), several gallons of juice... you get it. Takes up space.
THE TIME MACHINE
Laundry
Do you have the time and inclination to do the extra load or two of laundry a week? The money for the added detergent/water costs? We went from doing like, 3-4 loads to 7-8 a week. There's extra bedding, towels, clothes, messes to deal with... and we also went from having the gigantic Costco-sized box of Tide last for nearly a year to a couple of months.
Doctor's Visits / Co-Pays / Health Insurance Premiums
Do you have the time to schedule those extra doctor's visits and well baby/child check-ups, not to mention if the child has health issues? The extra money for health insurance premiums and co-pays?
School / Sports and Extracurricular Activities / Birthday Invites
What about when #3 enters school and starts getting those invites to the birthday parties? Now you not only have three kids receiving party invites, and have to juggle those (and the expense of the gifts) but what about sports and other extracurricular activities? The cost of lessons, sports fees? You have three kids in three different leagues with three different birthday parties and two different recitals and a study group, all on one weekend....
Fuck me. Bye bye, weekends and evenings!
But I guess, this is where the kids learn the art of sacrifice and picking what's important. Or, they learn that mom and dad will drive themselves up the wall to fulfill every "need" their children present.
THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB
Do you realize that it's a lot harder to find people willing to babysit three kids over two? Look at who watches your children and think about whether or not they'd be capable of AND willing to watch another child. I'm talking about for the date nights and overnight trips (if you can even still afford them), not necessarily daycare, although, that's a consideration, too. Can your daycare take on another child, and a baby at that? Can you afford the cost of another child in daycare?
For date nights and overnight trips, when we had only two, it was much easier to convince family members to watch them. Now with three? Our options dropped off significantly, as our need to get away increased. Shitty. We now only have my mom, who lives out of state, and Nate's dad and stepmom, who live an hour away and have lives of their own. Our primary sitter, Nate's mom, can take two of them without issues but when it comes to all three... She will occasionally and in extreme circumstances do it but it's not really an option.
So yeah, we kinda fucked ourselves there.
Actually, she's gotten more willing since Brandon is getting older and a *touch* easier to handle.
ENTERTAINMENT
Next, the movies, zoo, amusement park, concert, ballpark, season passes, theater, museum, water park, general entertainment cost-of-admission tickets. Add another ticket price/season pass into the already exorbitant costs, and it may become prohibitive.
So instead of having the financial freedom to have season passes to the local favorite amusement park/museum, being able to see a movie once a month, attend some major sporting events, and go out to dinner, you might be able to see a play at the reduced-price multi-ticket family discount night at the local theater once a year, and have a family pass to the local museum, and never see the inside of a restaurant nicer than McDonald's for many, many years.
National Lampoon's Vacation
Are you used to going to Disneyland, or Hawaii, or somewhere else fun every year? Can you afford the third plane ticket? How are you going to do the sleeping arrangements in the hotel? Most have two beds, which is great when there are four people. Might be tough sleeping three kids in a bed or dealing with who has to sleep on the floor. How are you going to configure the seating on the rides? There will always be an odd man out. I realized this when we went to Legoland when I was pregnant with Brandon. The other two boys were too small to ride most of the rides by themselves and will be for some time, and Nate and I were able to split sitting with them, except for the ones that preggos can't go on. But if we'd had the third with us then? We would have had to take twice as long going through everything twice to allow the third child the chance to ride. So it looks like we won't be returning to those types of amusement parks until at least the two oldest can ride together.
THE LOVE BOAT
Do you really have the time and emotional capacity to invest in another child? Like, really really really? Are you already feeling kind of tapped out? A third child is only going to make that worse, way worse. You're already splitting yourself between your spouse/partner, yourself, and the other two kids. Do you really have the reserves for another child? Can you truly invest the time for another child? Can your marriage/relationship afford the distraction, time requirements, and stress of another child?
It takes a hell of a lot of yourself to raise EACH child you bring into this world. Yes, the more kids you add, the more you can utilize siblings to help with each other, but when one child is sick, or struggling with stress or emotional upheaval, or dealing with whatever issues arise at any given moment, it falls to you, or dad, to deal with it. Most things siblings cannot (and should not) take care of. So you really need to ask yourself, "Am I capable of divesting myself for yet another child? When I am splitting myself between the two kids, my spouse, myself (yes, yourself; you count as much as anyone) and the rest of my obligations, do I really have enough left over for another child? Am I prepared to sacrifice the time I do have with the two kids for another? Am I going to feel guilty for taking the time and energy from my other kids?"
So in conclusion:
I was already crazy with just the two, but now I have one foot in the loony bin and the other on a banana peel. Three kids are hard. It's really crazy. It really does tip the scales from manageable to... I don't want to say unmanageable....
Chaotic might be a better word.
We are friends with a couple who have four kids. They were over for a birthday party one day and the dad was talking to me and of course I got distracted from the conversation by a kid, apologized, said something like, "man, three kids is fucking nuts", then realized that I was telling some dude who has four kids that three is crazy. He responded that three is no different than four. He got it. He was like, "Once you have three kids, it's all over. Four isn't any different." Then he cracked that we should have another kid and I wanted to punch his nuts up through his throat.
Yeah. NO THANKS.
Some of these things may seem really small (I mean really, I threw out the extra laundry detergent costs to consider?) but together, they all add up into one big thing. Those tiny expenses really, really do add up. Trust me, they do, I know for a fact. The time required for the care of a third child adds up, too. More than maybe one would think.
I have realized that I will always want a baby. But I don't want another child. Babies are my thing; I absolutely love those warm and snugly tiny sacks of poop and gas. The desire for a baby may never go away, but that doesn't mean I should keep having kids to sate it, because it will never be sated. So really ask yourself if you just want to have another baby, or do you really want to add another member to your family? In a lot of the articles and posts that I read, many of the authors just talk about how much they want a baby, to hold a baby, to smell a baby, etc., and they never really say they want to have another child, have another family member. This scares me a little because it doesn't appear to me that they are realizing or considering the difference, and I'm not always sure that they are taking into consideration the fact that the baby only is a baby for a too-short period of time. It will turn into a toddler. And then, a teenager. Remember that.
THE HUNGER GAME
Don't underestimate the food costs that a third child brings to the grocery bill. The extra few cups of milk a day, the extra breakfast, snack, lunch (half of which is ignored) afternoon snack, cup of juice, dinner (half of which is thrown on the floor) and treat or whatever bribe you threw out in sheer desperation to make him/her behave in public since you now have more kids than arms (I'll get to that next) and are willing to resort to near-prostitution to just. get. through. the. muthafuckin. day, really adds up. I'm not kidding. In the span of a few months, we went from like, a $650 a month grocery bill to about a $1000 a month. And I'm a cheap-ass bargain shopper, too. And yes, about $150 of it is booze to deal with the kids. And cheap booze, at that.
Yeah, kids kinda do that to you.
PRACTICAL ASPECTS
1. Can I get another set of arms and eyes in the back of my head? Out in public, if your kids are all close together in age and on the younger end, it's stressful to keep an eye on all three of them. That third kid really tips the scales as far as keeping track of them go. I mean, walking in a parking lot or taking them to a busy park sheds about a half a day off of my life each time.
2. Do you really want to go through teething and potty training again? Diapers and "ass wipings" according to Nate? Three butts is a whole lotta poop; a whole lotta ass wipings. Sleepless nights? Gigantic, swollen, rock-hard, leaking breasts? (Did you think 'breasts' was going to be something else? Pervert.)
3. How are you going to handle it if all three kids are crying at once? If you do it like us and have them back-to-back-to-back, with a just-turned 4-year-old, a two-year-old, and a baby, shit like that is going to happen. I promise. And someone is going to get the shaft. It was usually the one with the less pressing problem, although many people offered up this nugget o' wisdom: When faced with multiple crying children, comfort the one who is old enough to remember that you did or did not comfort them... I still say to deal with the ones with the more pressing issues first. Screw their memories. Just add the perceived slight to the long list of things they'll take to therapy with them.
4. Another kid to get haircuts for, 20 more nails to trim (close your mouth when doing so, unless you're hungry for some clippings), another kid to bathe, to dress, brush teeth.... Takes time, people. And mental anguish.
5. Don't underestimate the noise that the third child brings. Do you have the sanity to deal with living in what is basically day-care-level noise all the time?
6. Don't even think you're going to easily run errands with three small kids. GONE are the days of making a quick stop at the post office, running in to grab the forgotten milk, pretty much anything. On the plus side, having multiple children does make you more efficient and organized. Otherwise, you die.
THE SPACE CASE
Cars
Do you have room in your car? Seriously, depending on the age of your kids and car seat necessity, can you somewhat comfortably fit the extra kid in your car? Not to mention the strollers and other gear, a friend of theirs/carpool stuff. If not, can you really afford to trade up? We bought a 7-seater SUV after the 3rd was born, only to discover that the second row didn't really fit three car seats very well. And we weren't really planning on utilizing the third row unless absolutely required (we need it folded down for the cargo space), so that isn't an option for seating the 5-year-old. Five people take up a lot of room in a car.
House
Does your house really have enough bedrooms/space for a third? If not, are you truly in a position to move/trade up? Think of all the crap that you accumulate with a child.... the clothes, the gear, the toys... we are currently storing (since we have all boys) the full wardrobes of not only the size that the three boys are IN, but the in-between sizes for hand-me-downs. It's a hell of a lot of clothes.
We got lucky in having all boys and close together in age because we've just thrown them all in the same room. It's like a dorm in there. Smells like one, too.
Do you have a dining room table that will fit the fifth
Do you have space in your refrigerator for all the food a family of five consumes? Unless you want to go to the store every other day (which I swear to God, you will not have the time or especially the inclination to do), you will learn to buy big and minimize the frequency that you have to grocery shop. And you'll need somewhere to put the food. We lucked into an extra refrigerator that we shoved in the garage and it has been a lifesaver. Since I now buy 4 gallons of milk at a time, the giant 5-dozen brick of eggs from Costco, six 6-packs of yogurt, the "institution-size" double bags of bread (It always cracks me up to see that stamped on the bag of bread because I really do feel like I am living in an institution. Of the insane variety.), several gallons of juice... you get it. Takes up space.
THE TIME MACHINE
Laundry
Do you have the time and inclination to do the extra load or two of laundry a week? The money for the added detergent/water costs? We went from doing like, 3-4 loads to 7-8 a week. There's extra bedding, towels, clothes, messes to deal with... and we also went from having the gigantic Costco-sized box of Tide last for nearly a year to a couple of months.
Doctor's Visits / Co-Pays / Health Insurance Premiums
Do you have the time to schedule those extra doctor's visits and well baby/child check-ups, not to mention if the child has health issues? The extra money for health insurance premiums and co-pays?
School / Sports and Extracurricular Activities / Birthday Invites
What about when #3 enters school and starts getting those invites to the birthday parties? Now you not only have three kids receiving party invites, and have to juggle those (and the expense of the gifts) but what about sports and other extracurricular activities? The cost of lessons, sports fees? You have three kids in three different leagues with three different birthday parties and two different recitals and a study group, all on one weekend....
Fuck me. Bye bye, weekends and evenings!
But I guess, this is where the kids learn the art of sacrifice and picking what's important. Or, they learn that mom and dad will drive themselves up the wall to fulfill every "need" their children present.
THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB
Do you realize that it's a lot harder to find people willing to babysit three kids over two? Look at who watches your children and think about whether or not they'd be capable of AND willing to watch another child. I'm talking about for the date nights and overnight trips (if you can even still afford them), not necessarily daycare, although, that's a consideration, too. Can your daycare take on another child, and a baby at that? Can you afford the cost of another child in daycare?
For date nights and overnight trips, when we had only two, it was much easier to convince family members to watch them. Now with three? Our options dropped off significantly, as our need to get away increased. Shitty. We now only have my mom, who lives out of state, and Nate's dad and stepmom, who live an hour away and have lives of their own. Our primary sitter, Nate's mom, can take two of them without issues but when it comes to all three... She will occasionally and in extreme circumstances do it but it's not really an option.
So yeah, we kinda fucked ourselves there.
Actually, she's gotten more willing since Brandon is getting older and a *touch* easier to handle.
ENTERTAINMENT
Next, the movies, zoo, amusement park, concert, ballpark, season passes, theater, museum, water park, general entertainment cost-of-admission tickets. Add another ticket price/season pass into the already exorbitant costs, and it may become prohibitive.
So instead of having the financial freedom to have season passes to the local favorite amusement park/museum, being able to see a movie once a month, attend some major sporting events, and go out to dinner, you might be able to see a play at the reduced-price multi-ticket family discount night at the local theater once a year, and have a family pass to the local museum, and never see the inside of a restaurant nicer than McDonald's for many, many years.
National Lampoon's Vacation
Are you used to going to Disneyland, or Hawaii, or somewhere else fun every year? Can you afford the third plane ticket? How are you going to do the sleeping arrangements in the hotel? Most have two beds, which is great when there are four people. Might be tough sleeping three kids in a bed or dealing with who has to sleep on the floor. How are you going to configure the seating on the rides? There will always be an odd man out. I realized this when we went to Legoland when I was pregnant with Brandon. The other two boys were too small to ride most of the rides by themselves and will be for some time, and Nate and I were able to split sitting with them, except for the ones that preggos can't go on. But if we'd had the third with us then? We would have had to take twice as long going through everything twice to allow the third child the chance to ride. So it looks like we won't be returning to those types of amusement parks until at least the two oldest can ride together.
THE LOVE BOAT
Do you really have the time and emotional capacity to invest in another child? Like, really really really? Are you already feeling kind of tapped out? A third child is only going to make that worse, way worse. You're already splitting yourself between your spouse/partner, yourself, and the other two kids. Do you really have the reserves for another child? Can you truly invest the time for another child? Can your marriage/relationship afford the distraction, time requirements, and stress of another child?
It takes a hell of a lot of yourself to raise EACH child you bring into this world. Yes, the more kids you add, the more you can utilize siblings to help with each other, but when one child is sick, or struggling with stress or emotional upheaval, or dealing with whatever issues arise at any given moment, it falls to you, or dad, to deal with it. Most things siblings cannot (and should not) take care of. So you really need to ask yourself, "Am I capable of divesting myself for yet another child? When I am splitting myself between the two kids, my spouse, myself (yes, yourself; you count as much as anyone) and the rest of my obligations, do I really have enough left over for another child? Am I prepared to sacrifice the time I do have with the two kids for another? Am I going to feel guilty for taking the time and energy from my other kids?"
So in conclusion:
I was already crazy with just the two, but now I have one foot in the loony bin and the other on a banana peel. Three kids are hard. It's really crazy. It really does tip the scales from manageable to... I don't want to say unmanageable....
Chaotic might be a better word.
We are friends with a couple who have four kids. They were over for a birthday party one day and the dad was talking to me and of course I got distracted from the conversation by a kid, apologized, said something like, "man, three kids is fucking nuts", then realized that I was telling some dude who has four kids that three is crazy. He responded that three is no different than four. He got it. He was like, "Once you have three kids, it's all over. Four isn't any different." Then he cracked that we should have another kid and I wanted to punch his nuts up through his throat.
Yeah. NO THANKS.
Some of these things may seem really small (I mean really, I threw out the extra laundry detergent costs to consider?) but together, they all add up into one big thing. Those tiny expenses really, really do add up. Trust me, they do, I know for a fact. The time required for the care of a third child adds up, too. More than maybe one would think.
I have realized that I will always want a baby. But I don't want another child. Babies are my thing; I absolutely love those warm and snugly tiny sacks of poop and gas. The desire for a baby may never go away, but that doesn't mean I should keep having kids to sate it, because it will never be sated. So really ask yourself if you just want to have another baby, or do you really want to add another member to your family? In a lot of the articles and posts that I read, many of the authors just talk about how much they want a baby, to hold a baby, to smell a baby, etc., and they never really say they want to have another child, have another family member. This scares me a little because it doesn't appear to me that they are realizing or considering the difference, and I'm not always sure that they are taking into consideration the fact that the baby only is a baby for a too-short period of time. It will turn into a toddler. And then, a teenager. Remember that.
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Love you and so does Beckett see you tonight!
ReplyDeleteAwww, my man Beckett! I miss him and can't wait to see BOTH of you tonight!
DeleteSo really ask yourself if you just want to have another baby, or do you really want to add another member to your family?
ReplyDeleteAwesomeness
This damned IUD better not screw me! Or maybe it is the husband who better not screw me...
HA! Just tell your husband that if he wants to screw you, he should back it up with a vasectomy... that there's nothing sexier than a man who shoots blanks. I've been trying to convince Nate of this for some time now.
DeleteHe's not buying it.
Ryan was all up for it this summer, but I just can't handle something that permanent right now with everything else that is going on in our lives. I know I am 100% done pushing things out of my vagina though.
DeleteYeah, definitely don't do the permanent unless you feel it's the right time to do it. I got the tubal after Brandon and I seriously considered stapling the consent form to my forehead on my way into the operating room because I wanted to MAKE SURE it was done after the c-section. I knew we were done. In fact, I would have opted for a hysterectomy if I could have! *snicker snicker*
DeleteAww. my husband felt bad after I got my IUD (It wasn't a fun experiance to say the least..).. he said if the vasectomy wasn't so final he would have gladly done it instead of having me shoulder the burden. We talked seriously about it before but I think we might have another round of kids in us yet.. lol.
ReplyDeleteWe found out we were going to be fostering and possibly adopting The Boss shortly after finding out we were pregnant with The Dreamer, so we only had 6 months of having two before it jumped to three, I couldn't tell much of a difference.. it all sorta blurs together in the depths of my mommy brain. Now we have 5 though, and although the last two were "OOPS!"es, I'm really glad they're here.. and that they're boys, FINALLY BOYS! lol.
I can't stress enough about the stupid car seat issue, as well as the plane tickets.. We wrecked our SUV so we got a minivan when we went to replace it, along with seats that are $200 a pop, but they're the only ones slim enough to fit well back there. Minivan was an awesome choice btw.. I'm 5'3" and I can walk around in there, it's great! lol.
So yeah, we're currently looking forward to a trip back home in July with over $1k spent on tickets and even then we're both going to have babies on our laps and 3 kids in their own seats undoubedly flinging boogers on their neighbors the whole flight on top of that..
I love having a big family though, honestly I do.. I may not always like it though, ha! And once you hit three there really is minimal difference.. I'd say the next noticible difference is at 5 or so. Our oldest is nearly 5 now, so school is going to enter the picture soon.. wish us luck! At least we're still keeping the food budget under $1k a month x.x So far..
And if you do find a sitter, pass her name along to us! Seriously though, we do the split 'em up thing.. more work, but more success rate too.. lol
Your husband sounds sweet! And super big congratulations on the adoption! Yeah, when I was complaining about the car seat issue after we got the new SUV, a couple of people told me there are some super slim car seats on the market, but I managed to move ours around and *just barely* make them fit!
DeleteI cringe at your airfare costs! That's horrendous! But congratulations at keeping the food budget down! That's certainly an accomplishment!
We so far have only had family watch the boys. Lucky us! I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to go find an actual babysitter! We've split them up here and there, too, and would do it again if it means we get kid-free time for a bit!
Girl, you are birth control on a page!
ReplyDeleteWe have an almost 14 year old (my step daughter), our 6 month old (H) and were thinking of another since the age gap between the kids is so big. The teenager will be gone in a few years, so I may as well produce a playmate for the little guy.... right?
I think you need to do a blog post on what to look for in a sitter. Aside from "will not require vodka to get through the 2hour period the parents are gone"
Haha, birth control on a page, I know! Love it! Is it odd that I consider that an honor? ;-)
DeleteI think a playmate for your little guy would be an AWESOME idea. But just one... heehee. But once we had Ethan, the first, we knew we wanted a sibling for him, and I have to say, I could NOT WAIT until Connor got old enough to play with Ethan and for them to be able to entertain each other. Once they got there, it's been heaven. Well, except now they fight and it's annoying as hell.
I would love to do a post on what to look for in a sitter, but I haven't actually had to look for one yet since we've lucked out in having family be able to watch the boys! Does that diminish my validity?
Your validity remains. I just envy you that little bit more now though. We have no family here.
DeleteWell. We do, but my husband's brother and his regularly on-again/off-again girlfriend and her kid are the subject of much irritation, aggravation and disbelief. I won't let them near the teenager, let alone the baby!
Well, thanks, I'll see what I can think up! I'll probably get some input from others, too. Yes, we're super lucky with having family here, AND family that is a viable option for watching the boys. I feel for you; I know how much I rely on and appreciate having people who can help us and so I always feel badly for those who don't have that option. If we lived near each other, I'd help you out! A cheap bottle of wine is all I'd ask in repayment! ;-)
DeleteHow sad that you seem to view your third child as simply a financial burden, ruining your plans for nice vacations and getting to the grocery store easily.
ReplyDeleteActually, it's sad that you feel okay making such a sweeping and off-base assumption about me, somebody that you don't even know (I hope). And yeah, you're right, the financial considerations that a child brings to the family budget are not important for one to consider. Because, you know, people don't need to eat or anything, or be able to afford health insurance/medical costs and other miscellaneous things they might not have otherwise considered. Or be able to properly house their children or keep multiple small children safe in public. It's always a good idea to have children you can't really afford to care for. Silly me for pointing out that maybe a child costs more than one might think.
DeleteAnd we don't take nice vacations, by the way; I was merely pointing that out for other people who might care about that kind of thing.
Wow.. gotta love those anonymous comments.. Solely by the grace of God my husband has gotten INSANE raises and job offers, enabling us to comfortably care for our 5 kids.. if it wasn't for him being awesome at what he does and working his rear off for us we would not be able to make it without tax payer help, which I hope to never need again, but am extremely grateful for (we had a rough start). Honestly I'm glad people like this author who think before they have another kid and keep the child's and their family's welfare in mind, vs. the type who pump them out just to get a check.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, if you had read back a few posts you would know the HELL this awesome woman went through to get her third precious child and know she loves him very much. I got that all from her blog, I don't even know her and it's that apparent.
:p
WOW, thank you, Misfit Mommy! Yes, I do love my little "financial burden" so very much! I'm glad that most people understand that pointing out the practical aspects that a child brings in no way subtracts from how I view him; it's merely reality. Ugly or whatever, it's reality.
DeleteAnd way for your husband to rock it on the job end!
I think you just nailed what I wanted to say.
DeleteThanks for saving me the effort!
She definitely did good, Kylee!
DeleteSo I HAVE to tell you I L.O.V.E your blog! I just found it and have spent the whole day ignoring my own child just to read about yours!! Continually being asked what I'm laughing at!! Keep it up, your writing is amazing!! Thanks for making my day!
ReplyDeleteAWESOME! I'm so glad you found it! And thank you for your very kind compliments, I really, really appreciate it!
DeleteOnly just started reading your blog a couple weeks ago! Lol likely because you recently found me on FB and said :hey aren't you THAT Shoshannah?" And as I was and have very fond memories of ring around the rosie and a very cool attic with a drop down ladder that not 'everyone' got to go up in, well thats as far down that memory lane as I will go other than to say you look just the same only not blond lol. (Notice I was nice and left out your nickname?)
ReplyDeleteI loved this post even though in my life I have completely ignored pretty much all of it. (Even knowing these things in advance) But I'm one of those people who never does what they are told they should and is sure to do everything the hard way, and still comes out with mostly what they want. Drives everyone I know crazy. My life should be a train wreck right?
I got pregnant at 17, after raising my step sister and brother, various "nieces & nephews" and watching half the people I knew screwing up their lives by getting pregnant and therefore condemning themselves to a life of welfare and fast food jobs, because you know that's all you have ahead of you as a teen mom right? What the fuck ever!
Then I had to compound that big whoops I got pregnant with my revenge boyfriend and not the man I've been in love with since I was 12 because staying with him would have been some huge commitment (like having a kid isn't?)so I wisely left the guy I got pregnant with (best decision ever) and decided to do it on my own. Which is to say with the help of my family... My son (now 15) was a blast! I was a train wreck for awhile but he was/is a saving grace and is a weird kid all polite & respectful and barely any trouble. In the midst of all that the love of my life decided to make some really stellar choices in life and ended up with a 10 yr stretch in prison. Yeah...Welcome to my world. So we have this conversation ($18.00/phone call) and he says I still love you and want to be with you forever... and I said I love you too dumbass but I'm not living my whole life wondering when the cops are gonna break down my door looking for you, or if you are going to jail today or tomorrow (well way tomorrow as we had ten yrs ahead of us), so if you want a family choose now and change you shit now. Cuz I will wait (WHAAAAAAATTTTT you realize thats like no sex for ten yrs???? Have you lost your fuckin' mind?) but only if you are serious and show me that. And guess what? HE DID, (yeah jaw dropping rare story) so through 10 years of complete hell, a marriage a divorce, getting back together, tears, feeling like it would never end he came home and it was like ????? Now what? Hahahahaha well lets just say.... no lets not! Now almost 3 years later we are living our dream. Because the man worships me (which is a definite requirement) and I think he's pretty awesome too. And somehow he got really lucky, in addition to having me he has an ex who is pretty cool, and since they had 2 kids (now 16 & 14) its great that she is cool. And we became friends while he was gone and have raised our kids together, very helpful btw! So we started out with 3 kids. Hah its not easier when they are teen but we got lucky and two are boys, cuz teenage girls, even the "good" ones are a pain in the ass! I certainly was enough of a little know it all bitch I could have been 3 girls! So we though hey we only have a couple years of kids left and then we can enjoy each other and be grandparents (ugh lets not go there!) and we can do fun adult things....
OR... we could have another baby. See told you I do EVERYTHING the hard way. EVERYTHING... So we spent almost a year trying to conceive. until I reached a point where our formerly really fun sex life was work. Uhuh no more of that nonsense! So I gave up and then... yeah preggers and thrilled about it. Hubby wanted a girl. I thought he was totally out of his mind. Boys are easier... And their toys are more fun, (uh country girl, army brat, tomboy here)! I understand boys. But we had a girl. And she's the cutest little stubborn carbon copy of her mom ever. (no we don't LOOK exactly alike I was referring to the fact that shes going to smile sweetly and confuse the hell out of everyone when they realize that despite that adorable dimple she is a HUGE pain in the ass)To illustrate just what I mean... After 10 yrs in prison try getting a job in this economy... ROFL, yeah after almost 2 yrs my husband (who is a fabulous artist btw) got into tattoo school. Of course he doesn't drive so that just complicates everything. I won't even go into all of that! So even once licensed etc. There really wasn't very many work options so we decided, "hey we will just open our own shop!" which we did, and we were moving furniture in while I was in labor. Which was a Friday, he opened Monday and a week later we had a family Grand Opening, and its still going (deep sigh of relief). SO while in labor as I'm having contractions and pushing my husband says "We are NEVER doing this again!" and I said, "YES we are!" So we are having this argument and the nurse and midwife are laughing their asses off as that's not really how THAT conversation usually goes... Flash forward 6.5 months and I was right... Um however for the record yes planned just sooner than planned. It was NOT my intention to be having kids 15 months apart while I have 3 in high school, a new business, a full time JOB, and 4 active dogs... But hey why do things the easy way....
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned in another post that you overshare, HAH! Guess you arent the only one! (LOL this wouldn't even fit as one post!)
Holy crap, Shosh! You sound happy in spite of everything and that is all that counts! Thanks for sharing your story, and as I've told you, I wish you very very well with the new babes! You guys will do awesome!
DeleteTHANK YOU!!! For the most part I AM really happy. My Husband is pretty awesome, and we are VERY different but somehow that just works for us. That was a just a little glimpse into the HELL we went through but it was totally worth it and I am grateful everyday for the fact that he is so persistent, cuz otherwise I may not have been able to get through it all. My kids are pretty great ALL of them but I just KNOW my Pystol (the 10 month old) is gonna be hell on wheels and just as stubborn and opinionated as her Mama... We will totally butt heads LOL sometimes we already do. But I pick my battles, she wants to wear pink??? Well fine we will take the yellow shirt off... Lol My Mom always tried to dictate that stuff hahahahahaha yeah never worked!!!! Anyhoo I love your blog. Sometime I'll get off my ass and start one of my own, like everyone keeps telling me too!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are polar opposites in many areas, so I can see how it would work for you two! And good luck with Pystol... maybe having a baby sibling (sister?) will mellow her out... ha.
DeleteIf you start your own blog, let me know!!
Thanks for writing this. I've just discovered I'm 8 weeks pregnant with an IUD in and I've been crazy with the online research that mostly looks bad and heartbreaking. The IUD is "lost" and I've searched high and low to find a doc who would even contemplate getting it out using a sonogram as a guide tool. Just found one, and I'll be seeing him next week. I find it amazing that they (doctors) will tell there is a 50% chance of miscarriage if you leave the IUD in, but act like your a nut if you want to be agressive about getting it out and take that risk early on, before you have months to imagine what the baby will be like. I'm already attached enough in 10 days (I found out 10 daays ago), I refuse to sit around and just hope my body won't abort at 5 or 6 months.
ReplyDeleteEither way, the story of your little guy was just what I needed to read tonight so I can hold on to some hope. I appreciate it!
Is there any way the IUD fell out sometime along the way? My OB/GYN told me that happens A LOT, and the women never see it come out and know it's gone. I'm really surprised that the doctors aren't being aggressive about taking it out. It's the first thing my doctor started talking about.
DeleteI really do wish you the best of luck with everything. If you check back and see this, let me know how things go, if you feel up to it!
Hello again. Nope, it's still in there... believe me I've seen it plenty of times during this process lol. I ended up going to three different docs. They all looked for the strings and ventured blindly into my cervix trying to feel for it but no luck. So now I'm into my second trimester and it's in there for the long haul it seems. I'm in a better head space then when I first found out, which I hear is better for the baby-- you know, feeling like your world is going to end every five seconds probably not such a good thing for a kid's first intro to this life lol. I have heard that sometimes the IUD just falls out too, and I'd feel way more secure if it did but I've come to terms with the fact that it is what it is. Now, I've actually started to think past the immediate danger and realize I'm not at all prepared for any of this lol. I'm in my late 30's. I have no human kids (I don't quite think you're a souless bastard for not loving dogs, but the two I have would melt your cold heart lol) and just started law school... I wasn't planning on giving birth obviously. Then there are all the genetic scares that come along with my "advanced childbearing age" as they keep calling it. I love kids, but I thought I'd either adopt or be a stepmom later after I finished school. Yeah- so much for that plan lol. I did find a great OB who deals with high risk situations and seems pretty positive about it all. So I'm trying to cling to his optimism and not worry about the pregnancy ending badly or what the hell I'm going to do if it all goes prefectly even. Right now, I'm waiting for my CVS results to come back... I'll keep you posted.
DeleteWow. Well, I really do hope you get great news on the CVS! I understand about having the pregnancy throw your life off-track, that's for sure. Yes, your dogs would probably melt my cold heart, for a few minutes, anyway!
DeleteThat's great that you found an OB who is equipped to handle your pregnancy. I can't say enough about how important it is to have a good OB, especially in a situation like this! You sound like you're staying strong and that's important. Definitely keep me posted; I really am thinking good thoughts for you and the baby!
Howdy,
DeleteOkay, the CVS results were good, SHE is healthy and doing well! Ofcourse, that was just the first round of testing... I did the bloodwork to find out about spina bifida today so I'm again in a wait and see phase, but I'm doing so much better in terms of optimism and joy in the process. Yeah there is still just as much chance things will head south, but I can't let that hold me back anymore from truly enjoying the possibility of meeting this litte girl in 6 months. During the last couple of ultrasounds I've had (I've had many since they seem to want to confirm the IUD is still there every 5 minutes) she keeps waving lol I swear she either knows someone is looking or she is just so excited to have a newly formed arm that she can't help but use it lol. Either way, I'm estatic to see it every time. Not the journey I thought I'd be taking right now, but every moment makes me more thankful my path was diverted. I still have no plan but I have a lot more faith that things are going to work out. I'll start thinking about how the hell I'm going to do all of it alone as a law school student pretty soon lol Oh! and I went to a baby store just to get an idea of what kind of stuff I need... that had to be the most frightening experience of my life lol. I saw "baby" carriers that held up to 60lbs (I'm sorry if it is a healthy physically able kid at 60 lbs and you are still strapping it to your back, there is something seriously wrong in your house lol) and a $30 flexible straw so moms could SUCK the snot out of their kids noses! ????WTF???? Really??? I'm 100% sure my mother never sucked my boogers and that I had to start walking once my legs could support me and I'm doing just fine in this world. I'm going to go old school with this baby and assume she'll be able to succeed in life even though I won't be prepping for her SATS while she's still in the womb or buying her an iPad at age 2 lol. I'm going to let her -call me crazy- be a baby and do baby things like stare at mobiles and shake rattles lol.
Okay that's all the clarity I have right now... thanks for allowing me to vent lol
Until the next time,
L
THAT IS SO GREAT!! Congratulations on your so far healthy baby girl! You are so going to rock this motherhood thing! And I'm with you all that shit you saw in the baby store. Find a friend you trust who recently had a baby and have her help you out with what you need, that's the best advice I can give you.
DeleteThank you for letting me know and you are always welcome to vent here. Keep in touch and I wish you all the best! You can do this!