Connor had a special thing at school where he was interviewed in front of his class by his teacher, who also videotaped it.
For a couple of days before the interview, I practiced the questions with him so he didn't look like a fool if she asked him something he didn't know the answer to, and to generally prepare him for what to expect. One of the questions was, "What do you like to do in your spare time?"
Every time, Connor's answer was to play with his brothers, which was sweet and awesome and made me happy. They may fight like mofos, but at the end of the day, they are each others' favorite people, and I love that. It's exactly the kind of relationship I want them to have.
His teacher emailed me the video of his interview (I didn't get to see the interview in class). I watched it, smiling at how cute he was and how well he answered the questions, exactly as he had answered during practice.
Except one.
When asked what he likes to do in his spare time, Connor answered, "Play with my Mama."
I nearly fell over with surprise. I might have even gasped.
I felt so honored that out of all the things he could have said (playing with his brothers, playing his coveted video games, and so much more), playing with me, ME, was his answer, then I immediately felt like I didn't deserve for him to say that.
I've been beating myself up a bit for having such a hard time lately, I rag on him, I feel like I'm such a dick sometimes. I am striving to be better, to be more of the kind of mom I want to be, but it's easier to notice my failures than my successes in the parenting department. It's easier to see and feel the bad when living in the near-constant ball of frustration that raising small children creates.
But watching that video showed me something: I'm doing better than I think.
And I'm willing to bet that you're doing better than you think, too.
I felt so honored that out of all the things he could have said (playing with his brothers, playing his coveted video games, and so much more), playing with me, ME, was his answer, then I immediately felt like I didn't deserve for him to say that.
I've been beating myself up a bit for having such a hard time lately, I rag on him, I feel like I'm such a dick sometimes. I am striving to be better, to be more of the kind of mom I want to be, but it's easier to notice my failures than my successes in the parenting department. It's easier to see and feel the bad when living in the near-constant ball of frustration that raising small children creates.
But watching that video showed me something: I'm doing better than I think.
And I'm willing to bet that you're doing better than you think, too.
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