A Letter To My Sons On Mother's Day

Dear Boys,

In spite of frequently being driven to want to desperately jump into the next car that drives down the street and take off into the sunset with whichever random stranger was unlucky enough to be passing me at that moment, I am so happy to be your Mama. I know how lucky I am to have you, you sweet, stinky, funny, too-loud, crazy boys.

I mean, how else would I know the sheer embarrassment of you as a teeny tiny baby ripping gigantic man farts in public, leaving me no choice but to let people believe it was me because what kind of dickhead would I be if I blamed a fart on my innocent little baby?

How else would I know that I can get puked on, and with puke hanging off my lip be more concerned about getting the puke off your brother's head? That's some serious internal fortitude right there, and I never would have known I have it without you guys.

Without you, I never would have experienced being driven to the brink of insanity by your screaming, your "whys," your sleepless nights, and been pulled back from the edge by your goofy, crooked smiles, your hand tenderly resting on my cheek, your "I ruv yous," and watching you sleep.

Because of you, I know the pain of having my throat stepped on, the utter release and euphoria of hearing your first cries, the nose-burning, eye-watering stench of your worst craps, and the fear and joy of wearing my heart outside of my body.

It is an honor to be loved "more than Night Wing loves it is wings," "more than Batman loves his cape," and "more than a bee loves its pollen."

I am so proud that you know the different between "then" and "than", Ethan, and used the correct one. I am also thankful (and somewhat surprised) that when you made me a Mother's Day coupon book, on the coupon for you to bring me coffee and tea, you didn't write "beer" and "wine." 

You boys are the frosting to my cake, the cra to my crazy, the sweet and the sour to my chicken. Thank you for teaching me about the beauty and the beast of motherhood.

I love you all the way to the earf and the fishies,

Mama

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