HOLA PUTAS! BIENVENIDOS A MEXICO!
Here's the deal: We've never met. AND, we're sharing a room.
Yep. We're taking a ride on the wild side.
Both of our answers are after each question. She's ILBAB and I'm MADIM. (No, not of the Heidi Fleiss variety, it's an acronym I don't usually use - for obvious reasons.)
I have no idea why some of my responses are in bold - and I can't fix it because my draft doesn't show it, only the final post... Ugh, sorry.
Q: Do you dig on swine?
MADIM: Bacon is the best thing in the world. However, if you have a personal problem with it, I will abstain out of respect for you. Fuck that, no I won't. I'll be in the closet, shoveling it down with both hands like a raging baconholic.
MADIM: I eat and drink dairy. I eat and drink most things, except smelly cheese, deer and lamb and other weird creatures. As a side note, I do not drink my piss (seriously, people do that). I know, WTF? Why did I even bring that up? Answer: I don't know, really. My mind is very random.
Q: Consume more calories than a lumberjack?
MADIM: I have a very healthy appetite. I eat as much as or more than my husband. When we go out to eat, he knows to let me scavenger hunt on his plate before letting the server take it or I'll kick him in the balls.
Q: Actually eat?
MADIM: See above. I am a fucking pig.
Q: Favorite cuisine?
MADIM: I could not even begin to answer that question. I like it ALL. Except for pig balls and monkey brains, weird shit like that.
Q: Are you allergic to anything other than David Hasselhoff's chest hair?
MADIM: *GAG* Do asshole people count? Otherwise, no.
Q: Do you have any weird sleeping habits?
MADIM: No. I sleep. I may wake up to pee. Then I go back to sleep. I like to sleep on my side with a body pillow or something in between my knees. I like to nap when I can because I pretty much shut down if I get too tired. But I'll be so excited to be out of the country and away from my kids that I'll probably be okay not napping.
Q: Night owl, morning person or both?
MADIM: What is a "morning person?" They sound like a goddamn freak. I am a night owl. I prefer to go to bed late and sleep late. But since having kids, I have been forced out of that schedule and am somewhat flexible. However, if you wake me up at 6 a.m., I'll kick you in the balls.
Q: Any medical conditions I need to know about (IBS is a serious medical condition, BTW)?
ILBAB: Nope. I doubt my hippothyroidism will cause any problems worse than my fat ass splitting my pants on the dance floor, so we are all set.
MADIM: I have no medical conditions that will impact you or this trip. But I will make sure the hotel has plenty of toilet paper for your IBS.
Q: Do you have excessive flatulence?
MADIM: No, but if I have to fart, I will go into the bathroom like a fucking lady.
Q: What is your alcohol tolerance level?
MADIM: I probably shouldn't specify, but trust me when I say that it's extremely high. I will not crap out on you after a few bottles of champagne - for me. I'm German. I take milk thistle for my liver. I wash it down with vodka or wine.
Q: What is your booze of choice?
MADIM: Vodka or champagne. Rum works, too.
MADIM: Not since college. No, I wasn't bulimic. Just growing my alcohol tolerance level. And yes, I will hold your hair back for you and keep your face out of the piss and garbage when you are puking in the gutter on our way back to the hotel. But if you shit your pants, you're on your own. Just kidding. I'd even help you then.
Occasionally, very occasionally, when I drink too much, I get these vasovagal responses, where I get dizzy and feel super, SUPER sick and sweat like I'm dying. Probably because I'm actually close to dying. I just go lie on the cool bathroom floor for a while, then I'm all better.
Q: What are your hangovers like?
MADIM: I just want to sleep, and then eat carby, disgusting food to make my nausea go away and drink a couple of gallons of water.
Q: Can you rally when needed?
MADIM: What exactly do you mean by "rally?" If some dude tries to rape you, I'll fucking kill him with my bare hands and a stick or whatever else is laying around. But I won't get in a bar fight with you. However, if you're talking about you waking me up at 3 in the morning to go drink some more, fuck yeah, I'll rally.
Q: Do you like dancing/karaoke/shots?
MADIM: I like dancing, hate karaoke, shots, meh. Maybe here or there. I'll watch you karaoke, though. And laugh my ass off.
Q: Are you a belligerent or violent drunk?
MADIM: Nope. Just totally obnoxious (more than usual) and swear more than usual, too. I hate belligerent, violent drunks. Dealt with them when I worked in a jail. Over it.
Q: Do you shower regularly and use deodorant?
MADIM: Yes and yes, and I hope you do, too, because I have a SERIOUS ISSUE with bad smells.
MADIM: Mmm. I don't know. Not really into either. ...I KNOW. *Cowering in shame.* No, I'm not. I don't give a shit.
MADIM: Not a huge Van Halen fan, either.
Q: You're getting called up to the plate, what is your at-bat song?
MADIM: That is so hard to pick. "Cum on Feel The Noize" by Quiet Riot, or "Live Wire," "Kickstart My Heart" or "Wild Side" by Motley Crue, or "Hero" by Ministry. TOTAL METALHEAD HERE.
MADIM: First off, no I'm not going to kill you in your sleep. Everyone knows we'll be together so that would just be dumb. However, I AM going to follow you home and live in your attic and slowly eat mad amounts of Chinese food while watching your every move. Especially in the bathroom.
Here's what you need to know about me. My big secret: I'm insanely vain. Not because I'm beautiful or anything, but just because I am weird. And to top it off, the camera hates me. SO. I only have one condition. PLEASE let me approve any photos before you post them on the internet. Out of 700 pictures we may take, I'll probably only approve of like, 5, but please throw me this bone. We cool? Blood oath? Knuckles? Fist bump? Super secret handshake?
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And Facebook: I like beer and babies.
Also, Julie, while we're down there, should we schedule some cosmetic procedures? Lipo, face lifts? I bet we could get a super cheap two-fer...
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