Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Things I Will Be Happy To Never Do Again

I will celebrate each day that I never have to do any of the following again:

- Give my kids baths.

- Change a diaper.

- Wipe anyone's ass except my own.

- Give my kids baths.

- Clean up Play-Doh.

- Wash a sippy cup.

- Wash any kiddie plasticware that cannot go in the dishwasher.

- Give my kids baths.

- Brush a child's teeth.

- Cut up food into bite-sized pieces.

- Buckle in or unbuckle a child from a car seat.

- Did I mention give my kids baths? No? Okay. Give my kids baths.

When the youngest child can either do all of the above things for himself or no longer requires them, I will have entered the glory days of parenting, I just know it.


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26 comments:

  1. I think I pumped for the last time yesterday, I'm gonna celebrate with a BIG margarita!

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  2. wash bottles, change a crib sheet, dispose of the contents of the potty chair.

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    1. I totally forgot about the horror that is the crib sheet change. Great. Baby #2 arrives on Monday. Now I'm stoked.

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    2. Oh God yes, the fucking bottles... I have never looked back with those things. Yes and yes on the other two, too! CAN'T WAIT for that to be done!

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    3. TRISH, CONGRATULATIONS!! Hope Monday goes great for everyone, many good thoughts to you. Let me know how everything goes, if you think about it or have a chance!

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    4. Awww, thanks! I'm slightly starting to panic at the thought of having two kids. Maybe more than slightly. Ha! I'll be needing the advice of you and ilikebeerandbabies. ;)

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    5. I've been meaning to write a post about the transition. To be frank: IT FUCKING SUCKS and is REALLY HARD. HOWEVER, you'll get through it. Everyone does. You can always email me (motherhoodadim@gmailDOTcom with any questions or just to tell me that you feel like running into traffic just to end it all, and while I'm no expert, I'll do my best to help and especially, completely sympathize.

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  3. I love this whole list, and definitely agree with beer&babies about changing a crib sheet (I haven't had to empty a potty chair YET....). However, I stick ALL kiddie plastic wear in the dishwasher, whoops.

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    1. Whoops! I probably should just be a rebel like you, it'd make my life so much easier!

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    2. i dishwasher it all too, but the assembly and disassembly is the bitch of it.

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    3. Yes, assembly and disassembly...and all that plastic that absolutely refuses to dry on its own while sitting in the dishwasher! What the hell is that all about?

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  4. I'm with b.frog, put all plastic in the dishwasher. Be a rebel. It will be fine. Or it won't. But will you be sad about ruining stupid kid dishes that weren't made to be dishwasher safe?
    I agree with your entire list, and the crib sheet comment. I'm so close to being there. So close. But I will miss the little voice that goes with these things.

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    1. I definitely won't be sad about them being ruined... I think I hesitate more because I'm concerned about what would leech out of them and onto my kids food.

      I know what you mean about missing the little voice that goes along with those things. Last night when I was drawing Brandon's bath, he was standing naked at the edge of the tub waiting, and was so CUTE, and I thought about how much I'll miss that. :-(

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  5. I was happy the very last day I had to change a crib sheet covered in shit from a diaper that had been used as an artist's pallette, scrubbed poop off the walls and crib which were used by that artist as the artist's canvas. God how I don't miss that anymore.

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    Replies
    1. That sounds like a fantastic time! I'm super sad that you don't have to deal with that anymore! ;-)

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  6. WOrrying about leaky boobs. I thought it was bad when i leaked at a clients. Way worse when it happened on Thanksgiving (MULTIPLE) times in front of family. I thought my poor brother was going to die more deaths of shame and embarrasement then i was. And just "checking" boobs in general for fullness when playing the do-i-NEED-to-pump-yet game

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes, I remember those days.... SUCK CITY. You have heard of breast pads, though, right... ;-) And yeah, I've never grabbed my boobs as much as I did when having to do all the "checking." I feel ya, sister.

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    2. oh yes, but i had stopped pumping a month and a half before turkey day, and hadnt leaked. but put me in a massive chaotic dysfunctional family setting and i leak like a sieve. I made sure to wear them over xmas.
      after doing the boob check for so long, i still dont get why guys check theirs. dont worry, its still there. my son already looks at bath time to make sure its still there.

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    3. Aw, I'm sorry you have to deal with family settings like that! I will never get the guy checking thing, either!

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  7. I am 2 weeks into not nursing or pumping and I'm a fan.

    I actually don't mind the bath thing though - but I work away from home all day, so I kind of like the time with H in the evening.

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    Replies
    1. Nursing was a love-hate relationship for me, too. And you are a hero for enjoying the bath time thing! :-D

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    2. I have just one child to wrangle... ask me again after I have another one.

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