Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Kids Are The Ultimate Cockblockers

Most of you with kids have figured out by now that kids are giant cockblockers. They cry at inopportune times, they unexpectedly stay awake late or wake up earlier than usual, and they especially sap the energy out of their parents, leaving no energy for anything more sometimes. They're worse cockblockers than the sanctimonious boyfriend of your college roommate who is keeping one of his friends off of your too-wasted-on-Goldschlagger-to-make-good-decisions ass - not that I have any personal experience with that particular scenario.

The other night, Brandon took cockblocking to the extreme. He woke up scared in the night, I brought him into bed with us, and he didn't do his usual "sleep alongside of me" routine. I slept on my right side, slightly twisted so that I was kind of also on my belly. Brandon was behind me and also between us, and he slept on my back, with his face buried in my hair as if laying claim to me as his own and "protecting" me from any wayward advances his father might try to make. 

And just in case Daddy didn't quite pick up on the "Mommy is MINE" signal that Brandon was throwing out by becoming one with my back and head, he proceeded to mule-kick Daddy in the back for the rest of the night. His final "F-you, Dad."

I feel so... protected.




For more cockblocking action, check out this post from I Like Beer and Babies!

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8 comments:

  1. How any of us manage to get pregnant more than once is beyond me.

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    1. Seriously. It takes some creativity and true motivation!

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  2. And thank you for this lovely insight to my future as my husband and I try to conceive. Greeeeeeat.

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    1. Oh, I'm exaggerating (I'm not) so really, I'm sure it won't apply to you! ;-)

      And seriously, good luck with the conceiving! I wish for you to have very good news, and soon!

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  3. Haha glad to know Im not the only parent with kids like that! I must say sex is never boring with kids. Its sad that sometimes we take the kids to the toy store just so we can have 10 min alone time when we get home before they get bored lol

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    1. Just found you and I have to say, you're hilarious! But, onto this particular post. My almost 2 year old sleeps in our bed, but fortunately for us we have an extra bed in our office. Unlucky for us, it seems said 2 year old has a sex alarm because it never fails that he starts crying and wakes up the instant something inappropriate starts to happen. Not to mention our 7 year old who I think lies awake waiting for the perfect time to open her bedroom door to "go to the bathroom". Needless to say half the time I can't concentrate on anything but listening for a kid to interrupt. I keep telling my husband just ten more years and they won't want to be around us anymore and we can FINALLY have our sex lives back.

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    2. Well thank you, Kristi! Yes, in ten years, have at it! You'll have lots of making up to do! And "sex alarm" - good one!

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