I got to connect with my extended family as me, not as my mothering self. I got to focus on them. I watched my cousin chase after her three kids, and it didn't make me think, "oh, I miss my babies". It made me think that I was happy to not be the one doing that for once. Just this one time, I was able to sit and enjoy my family, and not be primarily chasing after or keeping an eye and half of my attention on my kids.
I was free. It was absolutely glorious. I was simply... me. I was reminded of what I instinctively knew when I was in college and made the decision to not have children (that obviously worked out) - children were going to challenge me greatly. I am not the type of person that would prompt anybody to stand up at my funeral and say, "She was born to be a mother" or "She always wanted to be a mother." In college, I learned so much about myself and really developed my personality, and the personality that emerged was of an independent, non-traditional woman who does not have the personality traits that mesh with small children. The list is lengthy, but in short, I don't like having to take care of other people. I am not patient in many areas and I like to be alone just as much as I like to be around people. Adult people. I enjoy independence, greatly.
And I am okay with that. I am fine with who I am. I am fine with the knowledge that while my love for my children is fierce, it's okay to miss them every once in a while. It's okay to be away from them, and not really even think too much about them. I do not want to be - and am not - obsessed with and all-consumed by my children.
And in the meantime, I will try to grab bits of freedom where ever I can. And try not to be pecked to death.
Join in the fun on Facebook and Twitter!