Saturday, November 24, 2012

Five People Is a Lot of People in One Bed

I experienced something new in the wee hours of Friday morning. Connor woke up, scared, and came into our room. That wasn't new. Unfortunately. But, when he left his room, he woke up Brandon, who started crying. That was kind of new. And also unfortunate. I got up and comforted Brandon but he wasn't having it and asked, in his crying baby-slobber-babble, to come into our bed. He had woken up earlier in the night, crying, and the only thing that calmed him down that time was to take him back to my bed for a bit, then return him to his crib. 

We got a king-sized bed earlier this year and it was the best thing to ever happen to us so there was (kind of) room for the two of them. I figured I would again return Brandon to his crib once he fell asleep, so off we went to the big bed.

Kids: happy
Me: not

I had settled Connor in the middle, between Nate and I, and Brandon in the crook of my arm when I heard the bedroom door creak open. It was Ethan. He came to my side of the bed and said he was scared and didn't want to sleep in his room alone. This was new. I tried to assure him that he was fine. He insisted that he was not.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

So, against my better judgment, I scooted over a tad, moved Brandon to my chest, and let him get into bed with us, too.

This left all five of us in one bed. This has happened zero times in the history of, well, ever. And will never happen again. I was sandwiched between the two older boys and had Brandon on my chest. Turns out, Ethan is quite the cuddler when he sleeps, and he was glued to my side, with his face almost touching mine. Everyone fell asleep.

Except me. 

I was not comfortable. My back was cramping. My neck was sore. My arms were pinned. I had knees, feet, elbows, and hands assaulting me from three sides. My body pillow/Nate's worst enemy (he hates that thing) was tangled in my legs and feet. Not only was I being suffocated by the cloud of little boy farts and bad-breath stink from my little mouth-breathers hovering over my face, the weight of two-year-old Brandon on my chest and stomach was also making it hard to breathe



As I laid there, buried under the dog-pile of kids, thanks to Brandon kneeing me in the bladder, I realized that I had to pee. Badly. But I was screwed until at least Brandon was deeply asleep enough for me to move back to his crib. And of course, for him to fall deeply asleep, what does he do? Flop all over my extremely full bladder.

Twenty minutes later, I couldn't take it anymore and moved Brandon to his crib, then darted into the bathroom. Nate got tired of Connor mule-kicking him and moved him back to his bed. Ethan remained passed out in our bed.

Usually, I like experiencing new things. It's fun. It's adventurous. It's exciting. This was none of those things.


Join in the fun on Facebook and Twitter!

12 comments:

  1. Lol, I still use my Amazing body pillow from pregnancy, the hubby hates it too. But I can't give it up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I told mine to deal with it, I'm not giving it up EVER!

      Delete
  2. What is it with you women and body pillows!? It's like having a dead animal tangling up at your feet at all the wrong moments. My wife has a big mean ol' green one.

    In your picture, it looks a little like your head is exploding. Pretty sure mine would in the same situation. My condolences.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Neal, MINE IS GREEN TOO! So, your wife is cool. Mine has a white cover on it, though. I don't understand what it is with men and their issues with the body pillows! I mean, what is the problem? I need it for comfort for my knees, ankles, and arms, and I KNOW that if I used my husband as a body pillow, he would get too warm and be annoyed by my breathing in his face and telling him to move to the other side of the bed because I need to turn on my left side from my right, or vice versa. I swear, he's just jealous, but doesn't actually want to be the pillow's replacement. That's more confusing, I think! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose you're right, as my wife's told me much the same about her knees and ankles and whatnot. I probably feel a sense of competition with said body pillow, but since it doesn't play computer games or belch, I don't know if I'll ever be able to match up.

      Delete
  4. I heart my body pillow, too! The list of similarities just goes on and on...

    ReplyDelete
  5. What is it with husbands and body pillows. They need to accept it, and move on.

    Although I think having all three boys in bed sounds horrific, I still have hallmark-card-daydreams about snuggling with my little-dot when it's cold. But we know he can't stay still, and would fart, drool, thrash his tiny little arms around and generally make himself comfortable, while making me UNcomfortable.

    While the Husband slept through it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's one of life's great mysteries, the husbands hating the body pillow thing!

      I have the Hallmark daydreams, too. But yes, reality ruins it all.

      Delete
    2. Doesn't it just. The weather here in the UK is beginning to turn decidedly Wintry and a hell of a lot wetter (believe it or not it does, occasionally stop raining over the Summer).

      We were looking forward to long Sunday mornings listening to the rain on the window and the wind howl down the chimney behind our heads, while we, over cups of coffee and toast with Marmite played with our darling daughter in the covers of our big new bed.

      The reality of the situation instead brings brings us suddenly filled-diapers, totally unexpected quantities of vomit, a broken coffee machine (Christmas is coming, thank god) but, thankfully plenty of 4 month old giggles which almost make up for it.

      Delete
    3. Oh yes, the baby giggles... I really do miss those. I LOVED the baby stage! I hope you get a few good mornings lounging in bed with her, with no mishaps. Those are the best times! (With just ONE kid in bed, and a baby to boot!)

      Delete

I love comments! And feel free to share any post you like or if you know someone who would like it, too!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...