Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What To Expect When We're Expecting... Company

If you come to our house, you're going to encounter these things:


  • Be offered a drink to help you get through the next couple of hours.

  • Take a napkin from the napkin holder, and there's a 50/50 chance it was one that Brandon used and graciously put back where he found it.

  • Let your crawler crawl on our kitchen/dining room floor, their hands and knees will be a blackish-gray, even though we'd probably mopped just prior to your arrival. You'll also step in something sticky. At least twice.

  • Go to the bathroom, you'll smell and most likely step in pee, even though I cleaned the toilet (and Brandon probably helped by licking it) just prior to your arrival.

  • Lose a touch of your hearing from Brandon's shrieking.

  • Smell/hear between 10-47 farts, depending on the length of your stay.

  • Speaking of farts, you'll hear the words "fart", "butt", "penis", "poop", and "handcuffs" about 39 times.


  • Encounter an errant booger/snot trail on the furniture.

  • Repeat yourself 98 times because I'll only be half-listening to you, and half-listening to the UFC-style cage-fighting between the boys. 

  • Watch Brandon find and eat something ancient he found underneath the couch.

So. Who wants to come over?



Join in the fun on Facebook and Twitter!

27 comments:

  1. Where are the Cheerios? Is this party BYOB?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cheerios: in the toilet. I would never say no to you BYOBing, but trust me, we have plenty on hand at all times.

      Delete
  2. hilarious! and so true.....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your house sounds way more entertaining than 95% of what I watch on television. I'll come over after I've had my baby, just to add to the chaos. I'll bring extra drinks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like a great idea! And we'll need those extra drinks!

      Delete
  4. This is why I love your home!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yup, sounds like my house. Only I also 4 dogs, from purse puppy to French Mastiff sized who will alternately lick you, knock you or one of your small children over and step on your face and genitals, try to hump some part of you or possibly attempt to urinate on your shoe. Fun times. And a 2yr old who insists on her potty being in whatever room I am in when she needs to use it. Want to come visit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm there. Just make sure your daughter has to poop during that time. And feed her lots of berries beforehand so it's extra runny and smelly. And make sure the dog is extra "humpy." =D

      Delete
  6. My son ate a cheerio off the floor this morning. My parents are visiting and said "omg, he just ate something off the floor!!" all shocked and horrified.

    My response? I suggested they vacuum while I'm at work, and then said "coulda been worse. coulda been cat food, or those tasty poop nuggets from the litter box"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lol sounds like my house and three of our kids are teenagers, plus friends!!! And the 4 dogs sometimes plus one but we try to avoid that if there's company. And for some reason anytime we have company we also get a free show because some neighbor invariably gets arrested or has some drama in the culdesac that involves police ( which is why I have a fully fenced backyard with my front door behind my gate and even the teens aren't allowed to hang out front)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh, Shoshannah! And it's about to get crazier with the baby! But that's good crazy. Usually. *wink*
      Your neighborhood sounds "exciting." Thank God for fences!

      Delete
  8. I forgot to mention that it's not just the toddler that eats off the floor more often than not it's my husband.... Sigh... What do ya do?????

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Bear" made me chuckle, G went through a stage of saying that randomly too. I hate when peole come over, no matter how hard I work cleaning the place still looks a mess!

    ReplyDelete
  10. LMAO!! Sounds like you live in my house, or at least in my zip code!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't there some general zip code for "houses with kids?" Shared by everyone who fits that description!

      Delete
  11. You should add you in a bathing suit and apron too :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HEY! I only do that in PRIVATE! Then post about it on my personal Facebook!
      XOXO

      Delete
  12. LOL 47 farts and handcuffs??? NOW it's a party. I'll be right over!

    Teri
    Snarkfest

    ReplyDelete
  13. I told my eldest not to use his soft football because a squirrel was humping it. Laughter ensues and suddenly they see the laughing cow commercial for cheese and sing "the humping cow!". It's a Canadian thing, eh?

    ReplyDelete

I love comments! And feel free to share any post you like or if you know someone who would like it, too!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...