What To Expect When We're Expecting... Company

If you come to our house, you're going to encounter these things:

• Be offered a drink to help you get through the next couple of hours.

• Take a napkin from the napkin holder, and there's a 50/50 chance it was one that Brandon used and graciously put back where he found it.

• Let your crawler crawl on our kitchen/dining room floor, their hands and knees will be a blackish-gray, even though we'd probably mopped just prior to your arrival. You'll also step in something sticky. At least twice.

• Go to the bathroom, you'll smell and most likely step in pee, even though I cleaned the toilet (and Brandon probably helped by licking it) just prior to your arrival.

• Lose a touch of your hearing from Brandon's shrieking.

• Smell/hear between 10-47 farts, depending on the length of your stay.

• Speaking of farts, you'll hear the words "fart", "butt", "penis", "poop", and "handcuffs" about 39 times.

• Hear Brandon ask for beer. He's a little behind in his speaking abilities (but is getting a LOT better) and "beer" is his go-to word for things like strawberries, a stuffed bear (makes sense) and milk (Doesn't make sense. On second thought, yeah, it does.).

• Encounter an errant booger/snot trail on the furniture.

• Repeat yourself 98 times because I'll only be half-listening to you, and half-listening to the UFC-style cage-fighting between the boys. 

• Watch Brandon find and eat something ancient he found underneath the couch.

So. Who wants to come over?