I got a delivery of boxes for my home business yesterday and it brought back the traumatic memory of the last time I got this particular delivery. Because box deliveries are traumatic.
We don't let our kids answer the door when we don't know who's knocking at it, like hopefully most people do. We have repeatedly instructed them that they are NOT to answer the door unless we tell them that they can. The boys know this.
So we thought.
One day I was walking down the hallway, pulling my shirt over my head. I was wearing pants and a bra. Fortunately, the bra. I was halfway down the halfway, which ends about 15 feet from our front door, my shirt around my neck, my bra-covered boobs and not-so-nice belly hanging out, when suddenly, it hit me.
Connor was standing in our open doorway, and a delivery guy was standing on the other side of it, staring at me. I shrieked and probably said "Jesus!" or "shit!" or something and darted into the first open doorway while rapidly pulling my shirt on the rest of the way, and for some reason started yelling in a panicky voice at Connor that he is not supposed to be answering the door. Once covered, I got to the door, lamely told the guy, "Sorry about that, he's not supposed to answer the door" and took my package of boxes.
He avoided eye contact and left quickly.
He avoided eye contact and left quickly.
So thanks for that, Connor.
Thankfully, yesterday, when my new order of boxes came, the delivery guy was somebody else and I had my shirt on. I was prepared this time.
Thankfully, yesterday, when my new order of boxes came, the delivery guy was somebody else and I had my shirt on. I was prepared this time.
And while I was writing this, Ethan came in from playing outside and told us that Connor peed on him while they were peeing outside, another thing they are not supposed to be doing.
"But why?" you may or may not be asking. They're just boys, who cares if they pee outside?
Because, one time Connor peed in a hole in the dirt and Brandon thought, oh, a puddle and started playing in it before I could stop him. That's why.
So back to the Ethan-getting-peed-on story, after chastising him for peeing outside and not using the bathroom, we asked him where he got peed on. We were thinking somewhere on his feet or legs.
No.
"But why?" you may or may not be asking. They're just boys, who cares if they pee outside?
Because, one time Connor peed in a hole in the dirt and Brandon thought, oh, a puddle and started playing in it before I could stop him. That's why.
So back to the Ethan-getting-peed-on story, after chastising him for peeing outside and not using the bathroom, we asked him where he got peed on. We were thinking somewhere on his feet or legs.
No.
He pointed to the side of his face and the top of his head.
Now, Ethan is taller than Connor by a few inches. Clearly, Connor aimed up and made a game out of his stream. Which, if I had a penis, I would totally do that, too. Except I'd probably avoid pissing on my brother.
Well, maybe not. Sorry, bros. Anyway, after gagging a bit (and shit, might as well admit that I silently laughed, too), I kept typing and Nate took care of the situation by cleaning up Ethan and calling Connor in for the lecture and discipline.
I don't know how he kept a straight face saying that "it is not okay to pee on your brother." I would have had trouble with that one.
Well, maybe not. Sorry, bros. Anyway, after gagging a bit (and shit, might as well admit that I silently laughed, too), I kept typing and Nate took care of the situation by cleaning up Ethan and calling Connor in for the lecture and discipline.
I don't know how he kept a straight face saying that "it is not okay to pee on your brother." I would have had trouble with that one.
hahaha! I seriously do not know how you do it with all those penises in your house. This is off-topic, but a penis story, and it made me laugh, so I'm sharing. This morning my husband was greeted by our 15-month old daughter as he got out of the shower. She was just standing there, watching him and stuffing cheese puffs into her mouth from her snack catcher, like she was watching a show. He kept saying, "Please don't look at Daddy's crotchal region" because of course that's where she was staring. And he asked ME how I'M going to explain penises to her. I told him he's the one with the equipment, she'll most likely be asking him "What's that?" so he better decide what to tell her about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm still laughing at the image of her just standing there, watching him and stuffing cheese puffs into her mouth.
Penis stories are never off-topic on this blog! That is hilarious! I can totally picture it.
DeleteMy friend's daughter (when she was about that age) went up to him after he got out of the shower and actually grabbed it and yanked on it before he could react!
I have found that the straightforward, nonchalant approach is usually pretty good when it comes to cross-gender explanations. The boys of course noticed pretty early on that I don't have a penis, and have way bigger boobs. So they asked what I have and I said "I have a vagina like all girls have and you have a penis like all boys have. It's just the way we were made." It doesn't seem to inspire any further questions; it's as though they sense that there's nothing more to the story and mom's not holding anything back, so hey, look, a rock! Let's go throw it in the dirt! (And my oldest is SUPER inquisitive. Annoyingly so.)
I actually laughed out loud at this part: He pointed to the side of his face and the top of his head.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is why I like you so much!
DeleteLOL! So funny, and I am so glad I have girls!
ReplyDeleteThe first time Princess saw my husband naked, she asked me "Why does Daddy have a tail?!" I still giggle when I think of the look on her face when she asked me that. :)
That is so funny! Gotta love those kind of memories!
DeleteLaughed so hard at this! Mostly because I grew up surrounded by boys who felt the need to pee on everything including the electric fence. I think that's supposed to be some right of passage or something. And it doesn't stop with Human boys because dogs also will compete, even with the humans. Bizarre. However the main reason it was so funny to me is my multitude of experiences with my own son. (Sorry dude I just gotta go there!) All centered around potty training time. My son was/is stubborn (no idea where he gets it from...) he walked late, cuz he could, potty trained late, talked at 7 months. Yes he was a talker. I tried everything I could think of stickers, candy, begging, threatening, crying, pulling my hair out. He just would not potty train. Then someone (I really DO NOT remember who but THANK YOU) reminded me that I lived in the country 10 miles from everywhere and boys can pee outside. Its just not fun for girls, really... So I took him out and showed him look you can pee outside. Worked wonders, except then I couldn't get him to pee inside. AT ALL.... No big deal until we were visiting my mother in town. My son disappears, I go looking for him and he is standing in our yard peeing into the neighbors yard on her flowers (front yard by the way) I was shocked and embarrassed so I said what do you think you are doing you can't pee in the neighbors yard don't do that! Ok NOW I see the mistake but at the time (first time Mom) I thought that was pretty clear. Not to an almost 4 yr old (told you he was late), so he says ok Mom and I think good done with that. HAHAHAHAHA right.... An hour or so later he's gone AGAIN I go looking and....well.... he wasn't peeing in the neighbors yard. Nope he went down to the corner stood on the edge of the sidewalk dropped his pants and was peeing into the street. Seriously not sure if I should laugh hysterically or freak the fuck out so I think I did both. Then I took him home where he could be a barbarian without legal consequences. Which is almost but not quite as good as the big boy potty story, or the speedo and plastic wrench story....
ReplyDeleteOur first son refused to potty train, too, and we finally had him start going in the bathtub... it was great until he refused to go anywhere else. He's also peed outside, in our friend's bushes, and that same night, Connor pulled his weiner out of the top of his diaper and went on their carpet. Fun times. At least they were super cool about it! Boys give us such great stories!
DeleteDespite the inevitable backfires, I still encourage the youngest of the boys to pee outside. I'd much rather have to explain the occasional attempt by the 2 year old to pee on the pool deck of our friend's pool during a pool party than drag the guy into the house each and every time he has to go. Although, we've never had anyone get peed on the face. That could be my breaking point.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that! Generally, I wouldn't have a problem with them peeing outside at our house, and they actually used to here and there, until the puddle incident. That was definitely my breaking point. Brandon is too young to stay away! I know they pee outside at their Nana's house and various other public places. :-)
DeleteIf it makes you feel any better, our little dog pees on our big dog all time... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome! It's his way of dominating!
DeleteSo I guess these are the kind of things I have to look forward to....
ReplyDeleteYeah... sorry. :-))
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