Thursday, June 21, 2012

It's a Special Day

Today is June 21st. It's usually the first day of summer, although I think this year it was yesterday. It's my friend Jill's birthday (Happy birthday, girl!). It's my friends' Carlton and Dion's anniversary. It's Go Skateboarding Day.

It's also the day that I married Nate. Nine years ago, we said "I do" in front of 80 people at a gorgeous resort and spa overlooking the ocean. 

If I was ever on Jeopardy and had to submit my mundane and weird story to tell after the first commercial break with the rest of the contestants, it would probably be the one about how the night before our wedding, at the rehearsal dinner, I realized that we not applied for a marriage license.


Yeah. Go, us.

I mean, here we had the fucking flowers, but I forgot to get the actual crux of our wedding. Awesome.

Obviously, we didn't call off the wedding, we just went ahead with the day and kind of skipped over the signing of the license part. I should have busted out a napkin and signed that shit, just for fun. We realized that we would just have to obtain the license after we returned from our honeymoon. 

So a week after we "married", we got our license, and were technically, legally married on the street in front of our house. Because we know how to rock that shit. Thankfully, Nate's brother was the pastor who married us (twice, now) and came over to do the deed as soon as we had the paper. 


So we're "special"... how many people do you know have been married twice without ever divorcing? Ha. Ha.


And if you're wondering if we acknowledge the legal marriage date as well, the answer is no. We acknowledge the date that we (and our families) spent an absurd amount of money, made our vows, and had a hell of a good time on.

We also had very non-traditional wedding cake toppers - they were two honey nut Cheerio plastic bees on scooters. The bee on the right was literally the very first gift Nate ever gave me when we were dating, from his box of Cheerios. He wrote his nickname for me on it and when I later saw that he had another one in his bedroom, I wrote my nickname for him on that one and we put them together and they've hung out together ever since. Naturally, we would use them as our cake toppers.



So yeah, the very first gift I ever got from my future husband was a toy from a box of Cheerios. Top that, fuckas! 

Looking back over the marriage, since we've only been married 9 years and not like, 90, I don't have much wisdom to impart. I would definitely say that when you plan your wedding, DO NOT plan to leave for your honeymoon right away, first thing the next morning. YOU WILL BE EXHAUSTED. Take a day to rest and decompress after the shitstorm and general emotional toll-taker that planning a wedding can be. 


And, after the ceremony and before the reception, grab your new spouse, a bottle of champagne and take off to somewhere private and alone for 15 minutes or so. No, not to go get it on or anything, but to just sit for a few minutes, breathe, and say, holy fuck, what did we just do?!? Nate and I did that and it was really nice to just have that time together as husband and wife. And crack jokes about how we technically weren't husband and wife. The photographer also stalked us and wrangled us into taking some photos in our cozy little spot. 


The next thing I would say is understand that no matter how strong your marriage is, it's just going to suck sometimes, especially the first year or maybe more after marriage. Hang in there. Nate and I still marvel that we're still married, and that we made it through the first few years that were not really easy for us. Perhaps it was pure fucking stubbornness that prevented either one of us from giving up, perhaps it was more; we'll never know.

A year or two into the marriage, Nate's brother invited us to a marriage seminar at the church he pastored at. We went, even though we don't really attend the church. There were several couples who spoke at the seminar, and it was almost shocking the level of shit they talked about having gone through and were still together in spite of. But one of the women made this analogy that really struck me. She asked the audience to imagine their marriage as being like two pieces of paper that were glued together. Then she said to imagine trying to rip the two pieces of paper apart. The papers wouldn't separate cleanly; they would tear and shred, and in the end, you wouldn't have two whole pieces of paper. They would be destroyed. They would not be the same as they were before being glued together.

I'm not one who condones remaining married if it's unhealthy or if your spouse does something that's totally unacceptable, but I like the paper analogy. It's just something that made me stop and think in those early days. 

So, happy anniversary, Nate. I know I'm not always a walk in the park to be married to, but neither are you sometimes. I guess that makes us perfect for each other. 

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17 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary! And look, I can comment again!

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    1. Well, thank you! And YAY, you can comment! I wonder what happened??

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  2. I love the paper analogy. Thank you for sharing. I needed that! And Happy Anniversary! I always tease Carl on our anniversary that it's amazing we've made it to each year (7 this year) and I haven't killed him yet!

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    1. Sorry, it's Heidi Toth! I'm not sure why it came out unknown!!

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    2. That's weird that it didn't show your name! Thank you for the anniversary wish, and I'm glad that you love the paper analogy! (And that you haven't killed Carl!)

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  3. Thx for sharing that analogy - I'll hafta tell my husband that one. :) Happy Anniversary!

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  4. The paper analogy rocks. Now insert a few smaller pieces of paper in-between; one for each child you've commited to having together.
    Happy Anniversary to you. Hope you get another 15 minutes together today, just the 2 of you, in a cozy spot. After nine years and three kids, it's probably time to utter again the sentiment, "holy fuck, what did we just do?!?"

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    1. Thank you, Samantha, and yes, you are spot-on with the children, too! Very good. We won't get any alone time today; he has to work, but we got to go out on Tuesday night, and we're spending a night away next week!

      We're really, really looking forward to it. :-))

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  5. Happy A Few Days After Your Anniversary! That was a great post...even though we all know that every marriage has its tough moments (especially in the beginning), it's always nice to hear someone actually admit it (especially when it's not in a bitching-about-my-husband sort of way).

    But here's what I really want to know, what are the nicknames written on those bees?? The photo seems to be strategically hiding them. ;)

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    1. Ha, thanks, Julie! The nicknames stem from a class we took together (where we met, actually) and we had to have these name tags in front of us on our desks (it was a weird set-up), and anyway, the two instructors were kind of old and when they read Nate's name tag, they for whatever reason thought "Nate" was pronounced "Nat", like the insect, gnat. So of course, I had to call him "gnat", and that's what is written on his.
      My initials are (and still are, because Nate's last name starts with an E like my maiden name does), E.A.E., and so the guys in our class decided that the old-school rapper Eazy-E and I had something in common because of that, and they began calling me E.Z.E. While I'd like to say that it stems from me being a whore back in the day and I got a lot of action and that's why they called me Eazy E (E.Z.E.), it's only because of the initials. Wasn't a whore. So Nate had written E.Z. on the bee, although it used to say E.Z.E, but he touched it up that way for the wedding for some reason.
      So yeah there's the long version. :-)

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    2. Love it! I think it's hilarious that for some reason he felt the need to get rid of the second "E" for the wedding cake. And I apologize if you've previously explained the nicknames on the blog!

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    3. I haven't previously explained it, you're good! :-)

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  6. So, started reading your blog after it was mentioned by Jason Good. I love it! I'm a new mom of a lovely baby girl born the day before mother's day. Your cake toppers were fabulous! Ours were smurfs - smurfette in a wedding dress, and the guy smurf in a tux. It was awesome. Also, the paper analogy was helpful. We're coming up on five years this December and it's been good so far but that will help put things in perspective for sure :)

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    1. Aw, congratulations on your baby girl! I love that you had Smurf toppers, I bet that made a lot of people smile!

      I'm glad the paper analogy was helpful, and that you are having a good first five years. May you have a GREAT next 75 years together!

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