Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Public Service Announcement

My post today has two purposes. The first is to let you know that my new perspective on Mother's Day was a success for me. Yeah, I know you're all stoked for me. I can feel your bitch-slaps from where I am sitting and perhaps I deserve them. But my reason for sharing that is not to brag but to encourage. Like, "Hey, I threw something out there, tried it, and it worked. So maybe if at all possible, you can try it and it will work for you!" 

No? Yeah? I'm genuinely here to support you, my awesome readers.

Anyway, Nate rocked it on the flowers (they included two of my many favorites: gerbera daisies and snap dragons) and Ethan totally surprised me with a handmade baked clay plaque thing with his hand-molded version of a flower that he made in school. It's actually pretty awesome and is hanging on the wall next to my side of the bed. And Nate poured me a glass of champagne and made breakfast.

Then I spent the afternoon reading on the beach, alone, and listening to all the other moms deal with their offspring. A couple of the moms I actually felt sorry for; I could tell they were wishing they were doing anything but dealing with their kids and one mom even glared at me and the rest of the world as she stomped by, carrying all the buckets and chairs and towels that her kids crapped out on carrying and dumped on her. If I had had a beer with me, I would have given it to her.

My second purpose of this post is I would like to make a public service announcement about penises.

After the beach, I had a massage scheduled. An hour and a half of pure bliss at a place that does body work and has hot tubs. So a public sex forum, in other words. However, I was really there for a massage. Just a massage. Anyway, they made a mistake and told the masseuse that I was only there for an hour, instead of the hour and a half I had scheduled, which I discovered when she left and I saw that I had only been in the room for an hour. I got dressed, and went to the desk to get it sorted out. The masseuse was super apologetic about the error and was able to give me the rest of the massage. After THAT.... 

I was walking down the stairs to leave. To the left of the stairs are the locker/shower rooms for the men and women. Out of sight of the stairs and behind the locker/shower rooms are the hot tubs. In front of the rooms, (the public side) the stairs end to a very, very narrow hallway that leads out to the reception area. Well, as I'm coming down the stairs, I catch, in my peripheral vision, sight of a man coming out of the locker room and into the hallway with a towel draped over his shoulders. 

And nothing else on. 

He's not a tall man, and the towel is hanging down to his hips. In other words, he has plenty of towel left to cover his dangling penis up. He kind of jumped when he saw me, so I concluded from this that he's been caught off-guard at the sudden presence of a woman and will therefore respectfully cover up. I waited in the seating alcove at the foot of the stairs for a few seconds, hoping that the man realizes that I am giving him the opportunity to either cover up or step back into the locker room so I can pass by without being assaulted by his penis. 

I then stepped back out. To my utter horror, the man was still standing there, and was NOT covered up. Remember, it's a very narrow hallway. I was trapped. I just wanted to get the fudge out of there. So I averted my eyes and darted past him, scraping half the paint off the wall as I drug myself along it in an attempt to stay as far away from the dangling penis as possible. 

So, my public service announcement:

Dudes: If you happen to be naked and encounter a strange woman in the *public hallway* of a spa - not the back private part where people expect nudity to some degree - you should cover up. Especially if you have a towel draped everywhere BUT your penis. She would appreciate it if you showed some respect for her and took that towel and used it to cover up your privates. Promise.

Because guys, women who don't know you don't want to be subjected to your penis. Have some respect.
This guy was no better than a creepy flasher, in this instance.
That is all.

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  1. I'm trying to figure out based on your description...did this happen at Kiva?

    1. I was totally wondering how many locals would figure it out... yes! It was there.


    1. Wait, the indecent exposure or the scheduling error?? Or *gasp* BOTH???

  3. I'm sure by now they've painted over all the paint I scraped off the wall.

    1. OH. Man... come on, Kiva! Set some freaking boundaries or something! Put up some signs... something. I've been there a couple of times before and this had never happened. I'm still really confused as to what that guy was even doing. The only place he could have been going is the reception area or up for a massage, and both instances should have propelled him to cover up, not walk around naked because those are the public areas!

  4. Looks like what we share in common is starting to outweigh what we don't!


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