I saw a photo the other day and it reminded me of my worst parenting moment ever. The one I'll never forget, the one I beat myself up over and over for every day, the one you all, once I confess to this, should stop reading my crap because of.
Not really. I've not yet had a parenting moment so devastatingly bad that I cringe in guilt and beat myself up over and over upon thinking about it. However, I think the fact that I typed "yet" is not promising on my part. And I have had some pretty awful moments. That I probably should cringe about. I'm sure I'll be telling all about them soon enough. Anyway, upward and onward. Here's the photo, and of course, the story:
Have you ever done this? I, of course, have. I used to have a couple of jobs that required me to drive all over the middle third of California, and some days I would drive for literally 8, sometimes 10, hours. So, one learns how to occupy their mind in all that time, and music and the view can only cut it for so long sometimes. Next up? Solving math equations, of course. After that? Daydreaming.
After I had Ethan, it was no longer feasible to have a job that required so much travel. So I started working in the company office of my primary job and apparently, old habits DO die hard. One day, I left work, got on the highway to home, and started thinking.
What would I do if I won the lottery? But not the big huge jackpot, like, the consolation prize of about $100,000? Well, first, I'd pay off that damn credit card debt. That shit is like the biggest albatross around my neck. Hmmm, pay off the cars... or would we even bother? That's a big expense and we "only" have a hundred grand. Gotta make the most of it... okay, go smaller. I'd upgrade a couple of things in Ethan's nursery. I hate that rocking chair; it's not very comfy for nursing. I'd buy a king size bed because when Ethan sleeps in there with us, a queen gets small fast. But wait, if we pay off the cars, that's x amount of dollars in our pocket every month, so we could figure out other things to do with that money, like actually contribute to Ethan's college fund---- OH SHIT!!
I was almost home. Ethan was still at the babysitter's house (his Nana's)... a few exits ago on the highway.
I was so busy figuring out what to do with this theoretical, non-existent money that I forgot all about picking up my son.
What a dumbass. Here I am, this new mom, trying to find my way around this kid and myself as a mother and this is how I start it all off. He was like 5 or 6 months old... I think. Something around there. I called my mother-in-law and was like, "I uh, forgot to take the exit to your house, and I'm turning around, but I was kind of almost home and it's, you know, rush hour, so hopefully it won't take me too long to get back over your way...."
She busted out laughing and said that it was okay and to drive safely back (obviously a critical thing to add).
I concentrated very heavily on the drive back. And was pepping myself all up by thinking, at least I didn't forget him in the car all day or something. Or at the grocery store (or lately, Chuck E. Cheese... what the hell is up with all that??), so I'm good... he's safe at his grandma's house.
This isn't toooo much of a black mark on me as a mom, right? Right??
Five years later, I've yet to do that again. At least, unintentionally. There have been plenty, plenty, of times that I've considered not picking the boys up from wherever on purpose. However, new plan for that lotto jackpot: forget the college fund. I'll just sock it away for his therapy.
Oh wait... I forgot to get Ethan from school once. I lost track of time. I was only a *few* minutes late.
And we're going to Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday party this weekend. I'll do my best not to forget any of my kids. Wish me luck.
**As I was finishing up writing this, Brandon, who I thought was sitting behind me and eating his breakfast, had sneaked down from the table and gotten a container of cherry tomatoes, then sat on the floor and squeezed several of them all the hell over the place. His big "F you" to me for forgetting his brother years ago. And for laughing about it instead of feeling bad about it.
Keep it up, kid. You're next.
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