Sunday, November 13, 2011

Why I'm going crazy: Episode 1

So, I have three kids. Three. To some people, this is either too much, or nothing at all. To me, it's a freaking mess of kids. It's a crazy amount of kids, especially for someone who wasn't so hot on having kids in the first place. 

Yes, I said it.... I never really wanted kids. To some people, I deserve to be stoned to death for admitting that, and some days, I want to stone myself to death for not going with my instinct to NOT breed. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my boys with all of my tiny little heart. If someone ever does something very, very bad to any of them, I will come after that person with the viciousness of a violent psychopath and their body will never be found. However, I am reminded daily of why I knew kids weren't really my thing, and I strongly suspect that had we not been taken by complete surprise with the first pregnancy, we might never have made a conscious decision to procreate. (However, that could just be the hindsight talking.)

It's not that I hate kids. I just don't like them very much. Occasionally, I'll meet a kid that I actually like, but generally, I don't prefer to keep the company of anyone under the legal drinking age - my own kids being no exception. The reasons for that abound, but a primary one is that I don't possess the patience that being around small children requires. Especially three small children, and especially all day, every day. Some people possess this gift; I do not. Lately, a few things in particular have been grating on my nerves.

  • I find it very trying to answer the exact same question 10+ times within a half an hour. I have tried giving the exact same answer over and over, as a means of reassuring the question-asker of the validity of my answer, but that doesn't seem to be the problem, as it doesn't solve the problem. I've tried giving the same answer in a different way, in case he's just not "getting it", to no avail. I've gone the "I already answered that" route. Nope. I've even just completely ignored the kid after a while. Still doesn't stop him. No, he's not deaf, we've actually had his hearing tested (not for that reason, though), and he seems to possess the ability to remember, so I don't know what the hell is going on there.

  • It's frustrating to repeatedly pull the baby (I guess he's actually a toddler now) out of the crap that he's not supposed to be into, but that we can't really move to a less accessible place. This just kills me! I mean, I actually genuinely enjoy the kid, but this stage of his constantly reminds me of why I really prefer to hang out with people who know how to follow a simple direction. 

  • I find it incredibly annoying to be asked about my every move by the 5-year-old. "Mom, where are you going? Mom, why did you go down the hall? Mom, what are you eating? Mom, what are you doing? Mom, why did you say that? Mom, why did you put that there? Mom, what's that on your hand? Mom, when are you leaving? Mom, why are you wearing those shoes? Mom, why did you put on your coat? Mom, why are you going to the grocery store? Mom, what are you going to buy at the grocery store? Mom, are you going anywhere else after the grocery store?" ....All that, plus more, in about 20 minutes. Maybe 30. The kid is extremely thirsty for knowledge. Any knowledge. Even the most inane knowledge. I've tried things like explaining what all is going to happen beforehand, but he just comes up with more questions. I've tried telling him, "Hey, just wait and see! Most of your questions will be answered if you'd just chill out for a bit and see what happens!" but nope. Although, I should give him some credit... he's not asking the exact same question over and over. 

Regardless, the daily interrogation from the mini Gestapo can make me want to run screaming down the street and into oncoming traffic. Especially when I'm really, really tired (as opposed to just "tired" or "really tired" - there IS a difference) and feeling a little raw. I've had to tell Ethan "No more questions! Do not ask me another question for a while! Mom is too tired to answer any more!" I know, what a bad mommy. But oh well. I don't really feel like I need to answer to a 5-year-old. I mean, who really wants to report on every single thing they are doing, as they are doing it? Not me.

I understand that these things I encounter daily are the nature of children and it's just the way they are. But that doesn't make it any less annoying. So perhaps I'm whining a bit, but hey, I'm surrounded by little whiners and it's human nature to adapt to your environment, right? ;)

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  1. You are such a fantastic writer! You crack me up! Love this blog!

  2. Thank you so much, Jill! I love that you are enjoying this! Hope you had such a great day today!

  3. I'm sure you've probably tried this, but when a child asks me the same question 10 times, like what are you drinking? while staring at my water bottle and I already said water, 10 times. on the 11th time I say, coffee. usually the kid laughs and says no you're not! It's water! then I say, if you know why are you askingk? conversation over, kid smiling sheepishly.

    sometimes not, they keep asking. I say sillier and sillier things. until they don't understand, clown tears. game over

    1. Yep, finally, both my husband and I have had to just tell him, "You've already asked, don't ask again." It seems to be the ONLY thing that has curbs the behavior.... until the next question to repeat comes along....


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